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Volume 7 - 08.28.24
Come along for our weekly column into the endless domain that is Baseball. I'll be covering the Good, the Bad, and the Weird of America's oldest professional sport. I'll also dive into any other subject that rears its head along the way.
Hey everybody, my apologies for missing you last week I was on vacation.
I did update our rabid fanbase on Threads but I'm just now realizing most people who subscribe to us probably still think that it's an Etsy offshoot for knitting specific businesses.
On to The Table.
We love Baseball but there are too many teams playing too many games during the week and too many divisions to constantly track. During the regular season we'll be taking a page from 'Soccer' and sorting through the junk to take a weekly look at some games at the top, middle, and bottom of The Table. All 30 teams ranked with the best at the top, mediocre in the middle, and dog shit at the bottom make up the full table.
Let's take a look at last weeks notable matchups.
TOP OF THE TABLE
The Los Angeles Dodgers (7) vs. The Tampa Bay Rays (3) (8/23)
There is a now undisputed fact. Even as a newcomer to following Baseball in earnest is it clear.
Shohei Ohtani is the face of the National League. His hitting dominance and base running make him a constant threat. He does it with an effortless swagger that makes it irresistible to not like even if you hold a disdain for The Dodgers.
In a Dodgers win Shohei gained both the stolen base he needed alongside a home run. A Grand Slam to walk off to be exact. The man has ice in his veins. I assume that is why he is terrible at gambling as he has no fear (allegedly).
What's amazing to me is his stolen bases have jumped drastically even from his peak in 2021. It's quite possible that him not having to throw this season has freed him up mentality to be more of a presence elsewhere.
With his old teammate Mike Trout injured and marooned out on Angels Island it's great to see him effortlessly take up that star mantle for the past couple years and hold on to it firmly.
The Dodgers took 2 of 3 from The Rays.
The New York Yankees (10) vs. The Colorado Rockies (3) (8/25)
Unfortunately for me (damn you Austin), the other face of the league, The American League, is none other than Goon Squad, pardon me, Yankees outfielder and all around monster, Aaron Judge.
Another night, another couple of home runs. Big DEAL. So what that he hit his 50th, and 51st homerun in the same game and is on track for another 60 HR season. BIG WHOOP.
Even the born haters like me can still understand one thing. This gentlemen is also great for the league. Between him and Shohei the league needs to find a way to capitalize. I doubt that is going to happen as their marketing sucks balls.
Now I'm not an expert, I don't really have an answer to expand the leagues presence. here's how I would take a stab at it:
Lean on your stars and push funny brand pairings with both involved. Think Aaron Judge clueless alongside Shohei in Japan promoting a food product. Think Shohei unsure of himself as Aaron Judge takes him to his home town dispensary. Hijinks and relatability! Press your stars power god dammit MLB!
Find a way to make people care about teams outside of their own region. Maybe start a website to take a fresh hot, youthful, relatable yet unique approach to it.
Maybe pay those dudes a lot of money. Or any money. Please some money.
The Yankees took 2 of 3 in their series against The Rockies.
MIDDLE OF THE TABLE
The Seattle Mariners (5) vs. The Tampa Bay Rays (1) (8/26)
I may have stumbled onto something in my MLB coverage. It could be a game changer.
MLB recaps are about 9 minutes long on average on the YouTubes. This game was on Fox and they kept it to a tight 1:13 in recap. I'll be honest though, I think this was too fast and now I sound like a huge asshole for complaining all the time. I couldn't follow anything and as someone trying to learn the teams and more obscure players, this did not help. At least there was only one ad.
The Mariners lead the series 1-0 with 2 left to play (one of which is tonight at 9:40, I mean, wtf are these West Coast start times).
They are also right in the hunt in the AL West, 3 back from the dirtbag Astros. Catch up and lay the hammer down boys.
The San Diego Padres (7) vs. The New York Mets (0) (8/23)
Let's check in on the Mets, and no Matt, this is not my humble attempt to needle you weekly with a Mets loss I've conveniently picked out from their wins. I at least have coverage this week from a superb outing by Padres pitcher Joe Musgrove. While Joe has a perfectly mediocre year he got a chance to shine coming off the IL.
Oh look at that, it says it right in the title. 7 shutout innings. Good job Joe, you've kept my NL East demons at bay another night.
The Mets would split this series 2-2 with the surging Padres.
BOTTOM OF THE TABLE
The Cincinnati Reds (4) vs. The Oakland Athletics (5) (8/27)
The last days of the Coliseum are upon us. The A's are moving no matter what to surprisingly (for me I guess) hot as balls Sacramento on a pitstop to the true death that awaits them in desert of Las Vegas.
They've been scrappy as hell over their last ten. They've gone just 5-5 but have a run differential of just -6, most of that attributed to a 8 run beatdown by the competent NL West leading Brewers on 8/23. This team was fun. I always liked watching them squeak into the playoffs and mix it up.
Shame.
The A's currently lead their series against the Reds 1-0.
The Chicago White Sox (4) vs. The Detroit Tigers (13) (8/24)
The White Sox were swept by the Tigers 4-0.
I'm wrapping this up around midnight so a few teams records will have changed +1 or (-1).
Fights, good plays, weird shit. Drama.
Get these god damn umps out of the game. Bring me the Robots!
Holy mother of God. That is one fast son of a bitch. Glorious.
HAAHAHAHAHA
Other sports are currently in the mix. Rip the lid off and compare the meat.
After the Olympics there is a lull in other sporting events of interest. The scent of football is on the air of course but for me, that's only NFL, not college. I went to St. Joes and we didn't have a football team so it's held no draw for me. I get the appeal here I'm actually not hating on it, it just wasn't in the cards for me.
Luckily the Netherlands has come in clutch with an assist to thoroughly arose my interests.
Shoutout to the real heroes, the many volunteers in the water making sure not too many people drown. Only an acceptable amount.
Stay a while and listen.
On the last night of our vacation my wife and I stole a night away from the rest of the family and drove up to The Stone Pony in Asbury Park to watch Something Corporate play. The concert was awesome and makes me question why I was not a bigger concert/festival guy in my youth.
I mean, I would never be a camping festival guy because, ew gross, but the couple I've been to have been chill, fun, and I've been surrounded by people just looking to have a good time. It is an intoxicating type of atmosphere most young parents don't get to go to much I would imagine.
On our way up Friday night from the shore I was cruising along The Garden State Parkway, you know, The Giant Speed Trap, when something caught my eye.
A vehicle was swiftly approaching in my rear view mirror. Was it a car, a mid sized SUV?
No.
That's right, the dumbest 'truck' ever dreamed up in a ketamine/booze stupor.
I am not exaggerating when I say I started to laugh out loud as I saw it approach, a full belly laugh, deep and cathartic.
I've seen them parked or rolling down side streets near my house but the sight of it approaching me like a cartoonish Christine at 90 mph was the hardest I've laughed in some time.
The fact that there is such a pitiful amount on the roads of America adds mystique. Sure, I've hate read articles nonstop about their failures, cheapness, and tidal wave of short comings but this was my first experience catching it live in the wild.
As I switched lanes to allow the Cybertruck to pass my laughter did not subside. I glanced in an effort to catch the drivers eye as I manically laughed at his giant shit box.
Alas, he was a coward, and kept his eyes only on the road in front of him. I assume his great pace was to limit the heavy weight of embarrassment he felt on his shoulders driving that character defining, overpriced hearse.
As I'm coming back from vacation I need to brush up on the subtleties currently surrounding our top of The Table managers to glean what edge there may be headed into the post season. Without my North Star, Joe Girardi, it's hard to get a feel quickly on who will contribute the most wins to their team simply by their musk. I mean strategy and character.
I need to understand again how a great manager works.
Time to watch my favorite business documentary and have a few cold ones to brush up on what it means to be a leader and willing your team forward with positivity.
We all know there's no God.
Friday night I'll be going to the Phillies game with my friend Tom and our wives.
I hope to see them kick the crap out of the Braves and beat them back into the NL East basement where they belong. Them and the Mets both. I definitely don't have nightmares where Grimace and Blooper kill the Phanatic in front of me while I scream like Jesse in that episode of Breaking Bad where that awful shit happens and he's powerless to stop it. I definitely don't wake up every night covered in sweat thinking I see them staring at me from across the street.
See you next week!
Thanks for reading this week and if you have any comments, questions, or recommendations in regards to this series, feel free to email me at kirk@illandodd.com and I'll be sure to get back to you and may include them as part of a mailbag section.
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