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Volume 4 - 07.31.24
Come along for our weekly journey into the endless domain that is Baseball. I'll be covering the Good, the Bad, and the Weird of America's oldest professional sport. I'll also dive into any other subject that rears its head along the way.
Finally, we've got some real drama. I'm not talking about drama that only MLB diehards will enjoy. I'm talking real sports shit talking drama that everyone can enjoy.
Color me intrigued and with my pants loaded with excitement for baseball.
We love Baseball but there are too many teams playing too many games during the week and too many divisions to constantly track. During the regular season we'll be taking a page from 'Soccer' and sorting through the junk to take a weekly look at a few games at the top, middle, and bottom of The Table. All 30 teams ranked with the best at the top, mediocre in the middle, and dog shit at the bottom make up the full table.
Let's take a look at last weeks notable matchups.
TOP OF THE TABLE
The Colorado Rockies (20) vs. The Boston Red Sox (7) (7/24)
Let's dive right into the glorious shit talk that got me to sit forward on my couch. What was quickly turning into a total dick slapping (Rockies scored 20 runs) became even more contentious after a seemingly innocuous fly out in the 4th with Sox already down 6 runs.
Lot's to unpack here - I mean a little shit talk seems to have set both sides off into the usual pushing and "HOLD ME BACK BRO" scene that Baseball is so well known for. Guess there wasn't much here.
NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE - WHAT'S THAT?
Let's take a closer look - he said what? Oh right "You jacked off in a fucking parking lot you dumb fuck". An insult so specific and ready to go that it must be true. And it is.
Apparently this is years old and was widely reported. People just didn't know about until now since no one knows who Reese McGuire is. Well I should have said no one knew. Because we all know him now.
Baseball is back baby!
The Red Sox dropped 2 to the Rockies in this best of 3.
(NOTE THE SOX LOST TONIGHT AND DROPPED OUT OF THE TOP OF THE TABLE BUT IT'S 12AM OKAY PLEASE UDNERSTAND)
The Philadelphia Phillies (4) vs. The New York Yankees (14) (7/29)
I'm not gonna shy away from this. I can take a punch (or really just a series of slaps).
The Phillies were sitting alone atop The Table, but, uh, things have not been going well you guys.
Over the last 10 games the Phillies are 3-7 and have been playing...poorly.
With my friend Austin's store bought Yankees team coming to town I had hoped for a karmic beatdown of these pinstriped thugs. Well they threw the first punch behind another monster performance from Aaron Judge and Juan Soto. Well actually their whole team as they punched in 8 HR's in total. Judge (.315) and Soto (.310) anchor this goon squad and make them a total pain in the ass.
We'll see if that holds up in October.
The Phils lost tonight (7/30) in extras to lose the series 0-2.
I'll be sending Austin the bottle I owe him via USPS and with zero packaging. A bets a bet and it still counts even if the booze comes free flowing from a broken bottle in a tiny, smashed cardboard box.
The Kansas City Royals (6) vs. The Chicago Cubs (0) (7/26)
With Patrick Mahomes Bobblehead day in the house, sorry Cubs, you had not shot.
I don't know much about this Royals team but they've steadily climbed up into the top of The Table, with much of that coming from their starting pitching. Their are a lot of stats out there but ERA for us common folk tends to be a good one.
Brady Singer pitched a gem here to lower his ERA under 3. Much like Cole Hammels back in the day, he needs run support and rarely gets it. Fortunately for him he got it now.
The Royals ended up dropping this series to the Cubs 1-2.
MIDDLE OF THE TABLE
The Chicago White Sox (3) vs. The Seattle Mariners (6) (7/27)
Seattle is a team, like the Royals, I tend to forget about. Ever since Ichiro left there and Russel Wilson stunk up the place for the Seahawks I think I've forgotten about the City entirely. Time to watch some Frasier.
Surprisingly, the Mariners swept the White Sox 3-0.
The Tampa Bay Rays (9) vs. The Miami Marlins (3) (7/30)
While it's not directly halfway through the season, I'll take it. We've got a .500 team on The Table to highlight.
This Florida show down has been in the bag for the Rays as they go to 80-59 all time in the matchup. I'm betting it has something to do with the blow being better in Miami but I'm no expert.
The Rays lead the series 1-0.
The Baltimore Orioles (8) vs. The San Diego Padres (6) (7/28)
The Padres let this one get away early, and late, to a top table team. After being down 6 in the third due to a disastrous inning for starting pitcher Randy Vasquez the team fought back but came up short.
Taking a look at Randy's 2024 stat line the Padres were always going to be in a hole.
Not great.
Interestingly though the Padres have been on a heater recently going 7-3 in their last 10.
Even though they dropped this game they still took the series 2-1 from the Orioles.
BOTTOM OF THE TABLE
The Texas Rangers (2) vs. The White Sox (1) (7/25)
After some concern for our local White Sox fan club head, Gerald Loose of My Sox Are Also Hanes And Everything Is So Goddamn Tight (MSAAHAEISGT), we're checking in with before looking into any other dwellers at the foot of The Table.
Look's like against all odds he's hanging in there.
The White Sox are lost this series 0-4.
The Los Angeles Angels (1) vs. The Oakland Athletics (3) (7/27)
Karma is real. Especially where the Sports Gods are concerned.
After writing about how the owner of the A's fucking sucks and is ruining a storied franchise and Oakland's last professional team, they of course have been going on a tear.
Now a tear is all relative as they sit at 44-64 as of writing this but they're 7-3 in their last 10. Also of note is that all 10 of those games are with teams beginning with an A. Angels, Astros, and Angels again.
NEAT!
The White Sox (3) vs. The Kansas City Royals (4) (7/30)
Just checking in again, they're still losing.
The White Sox are down 0-2 in the series and have lost 16 in a row.
I'm wrapping this up around midnight so a few teams records will have changed +1 or (-1).
Fights, good plays, weird shit. Drama.
We've already covered the Red Sox/Rockies kerfuffle. But there is plenty more fun to hand out.
You boys misbehaving???
Fuck you Austin!
Got em. Pretty sure once you steal home you get to call the opposing pitcher once a year at 3AM and just say "I own you bitch".
Other sports are currently in the mix. Rip the lid off and compare the meat.
The Olympics are currently taking in place in France and you know what? I've been sort of intrigued for the first time in my life. I think that's yet another sign you're getting old. Certainly you're old as fuck in athlete years anyway.
But a man can still dream. And thanks to some sweet bros hanging out, that dream seems real.
Men's Volleyball highlights were a real treat to watch while I had a few glasses of the finest on sale Josh Pinot Noir. Unfortunately you'd need to follow the link directly to NBC's YouTube page and can't view anything here.
As I sit here writing this I am realizing that NBC really does suck and you can't easily share clips. So my whole plan to highlight a few interesting moments of this Olympics has been fucking ruined. God damn you Costas!
Hopefully this link works for the showing the joy I wanted to highlight.
(please go to the 3:23 mark for one of the best sports calls in all of history)
Overall the US has been doing well in totality even though we're behind the pack with golds.
Hopefully that turns around but besides leading with 26 which is a significant accomplishment. One of those bronze medals just so happened to be from the US Women's Rugby team making history in spectacular fashion.
Trust me if you root for exciting moments in sports it's worth a watch. I don't really understand Rugby even with my friend Tom playing with one arm for so many years but this was great to see.
Congrats to the women's side for taking home the first ever medal for US sevens rugby.
Stay a while and listen.
Do you ever have a few drinks and stumble upon a video where you can only have one response?
Tight.
There's a new team atop The Table, The Cleveland Guardians hold that distinction this week (tied but sure). Me being butt hurt about the Phillies aside this is quite the accomplishment for them.
While the team last won their division in 2022 (yea that is recent) they had a down year in 2023 going sub .500 at 76-86 and seeing manager Terry Francona step down. Should have gone out on top Terry! You Red Sox scum bag!
After Terry ran away many expected some sort of rebuild. Culture is real and what could Cleveland turn to as a stop gap?
I'll tell you, a swarthy gentlemen named Stephen Vogt.
Stephen is a former player who played on six different teams and most crucially, never had managerial experience before. Last year was his first as a non player as the Mariners bullpen and quality control coach.
Now he's the manager of the best team in baseball. You don't accomplish that if you are not a glue guy. I'm guessing you don't get to be quality control coach if you're not a glue guy as well. No assholes allowed in that club.
The lesson here is that teams should exclusively be searching for culture developers and leaders. There are so many staff members who can focus on the analytics and play by play decision making. There aren't many who can clearly uplift their team. A real leader makes people give a shit about each other and their organization. Sounds simple but if you give a shit, you'll play harder. You can not quantify that. You got to believe it.
Take note MLB.
Last week I got my article done around 11PM and felt like a hero. This week I failed and I blame anyone else but myself. It's now Wednesday. I mean like past midnight. Just think how much effort I'll need to put in when I don't suck ass at this (well, totally suck ass).
Thanks for reading and your feedback. As we head into August I'll aim to start a mailbag portion. Keep your profanity to a minimum, clearly this is a family friendly affair.
Thanks for reading this week and if you have any comments, questions, or recommendations in regards to this series, feel free to email me at kirk@illandodd.com and I'll be sure to get back to you and may include them as part of a mailbag section.
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