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The Journey Begins - Volume 1 - 07.03.24
Come along for our weekly journey into the endless domain that is Baseball. I'll be covering the Good, the Bad, and the Weird of America's oldest professional sport. I'll also dive into any other subject that rears its head along the way.
Recently I wrote about getting sucked back into baseball.
I realized that there is a absence of content for the people like me. The casual baseball fan. The obvious difference between the total amount of casual fans of say, football and baseball is because there are a shit ton of baseball games happening, all the time, for six months. It's too much to take in for someone with a passing interest. People can't commit.
That's why I'm going to solve that problem here, now and forever.
We're going to adopt an approach to looking at the past week that borrows from another sports influence to allow us to be concise while still maintaining the ability to occasionally derail ourselves with any interesting bullshit we come across.
We love Baseball but there are too many teams playing too many games during the week and too many divisions to constantly track. During the regular season we'll be taking a page from 'Soccer' and sorting through the junk to take a weekly look at a few games at the top, middle, and bottom of The Table. All 30 teams ranked with the best at the top, mediocre in the middle, and dog shit at the bottom make up the full table.
Within the last few years I got into following Wrexham A.F.C., a Welsh football (soccer) team playing in the English Football League. It's well documented through their FX series Welcome to Wrexham and I was one of the many who actually grew to give somewhat of a shit about soccer. Sorry, football.
I won't deep dive into it but one of the facets I enjoyed the most about following the team was their leagues are simple. All of the teams on one 'table'. No divisions, conferences, or any other bullshit you have to remember for playoff seeding. Simply, these teams are good, these are OK, and these teams absolutely suck.
With that in mind let's take a look at last weeks notable matchups.
TOP OF THE TABLE
The New York Yankees (2) vs. The New York Mets (12) (6/26)
The surging Mets went out and absolutely boat raced the Yankees at my old work stomping grounds, Citi Field.
The subway series has a special place in my heart as my friend Austin is a die hard Yanks fan and Matt is a diehard sucker for pain. I mean the Mets. Nothing like the Mets getting his hopes up on a hot streak. With this win the Mets moved to 15 for their last 19 on the day and as of writing this have kept positive momentum building.
Despite dropping this series 0-2 the Yankees bats have been exploding this year and they sit right at the top of table. Probably no reason for my friend Austin to even sweat. I mean it's not October so the Girardi curse isn't even in play yet. What? It's not like Brian Cashman spit in the face of the Baseball Gods by replacing a beloved if flawed Yankee Icon with a total god damn dope who tore his knee playing pickup.
The Baltimore Orioles (11) vs. The Texas Rangers (2) (6/27)
Why not keep the trend rolling here, The Orioles also stomped the crap out of their opponent and also at a former home of employment of mine, Camden Yards.
What I learned most from watching the highlights of this game is that MLB is atrocious with the sheer amount of ads and length of ads on all of their clips. How the fuck am I going to work through this consistently? (Also the clips are all way too long TIGHTEN IT UP). Please see below and join my letter writing campaign to Robert Octavius Manfred the 4th to address this.
The Orioles currently sit atop the AL east and with their young talent and cheap contracts the rest of the league should watch out. They took 3 of 4 from the defending champions who are really defining the championship hangover.
The Philadelphia Phillies (2) vs. The Miami Marlines (0) (6/28)
Closing it out with the last MLB stadium I worked at the Phils somehow won this game at Citizens Bank. The Phillies sit atop the entire Table but have risked their karma and momentum with this game due to their stupid Friday night uniforms. They look exactly like the colors of both 'Florida' teams combined and the Baseball gods may smite them down as a result.
Also I remember when they played the Cardinals on a Friday night and looking at the scoreboard on my TV caused my brain to overheat with confusion.
The Phillies went 2-2 with the Marlins over the series.
MIDDLE OF THE TABLE
The Houston Astros (2) vs. The New York Mets (7) (6/28)
I love to see the cheating ass Astros lose, even if it's to my colleagues beleaguered Mets franchise. I still will say beleaguered even after just going into their impressive win streak above. Man I really hate talking about these guys but where the Astros are concerned, the enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Also Grimace is now the Mets spirit animal (Mr. and Mrs. Met died in car crash). Pretty sure he is the half brother of the Flyers Gritty so I'll turn a blind eye to my resentment of the Mets. For now.
Sadly the Mets ending up dropping 2 of 3 this series to the filthy cheaters and sit right next to them in the middle of the Table.
The Boston Red Sox (1) vs. The San Diego Padres (11) (6/29)
Congrats to the city of Boston on winning your 143rd sports title with the latest Celtics win this past NBA season. At least the Red Sox still suck due to your corporate stooge owners who are as boring as shit.
The Padres took 2 of 3 here and are sniffing greedily towards the top of the Table. I have a soft spot for them after The Chargers bailed on the city to go be the Jets of L.A.
The Atlanta Braves (2) vs. The Pittsburg Pirates (4) (6/30)
I know I've been out of the MLB game for too long when I see the Pittsburg Pirates actually competing and winning games with solid play.
Although the Pirates ended up dropping 2 of 3 in the series to Atlanta they were relatively close games considering Atlanta's consistent strength and competency this past decade.
Could there be a whiff of non-football hope in the City of Steel?
BOTTOM OF THE TABLE
The Chicago White Sox (11) vs. The Colorado Rockies (3) (6/29)
The hope and healing is short lived. While the bottom, absolute worst, foul, piece of crap team of the Table happened to take a win here it can only be seen as a joke from the Baseball Gods. They didn't have any errors to crush their confidence during the game which is a red flag. Be afraid Chicago, it is only in the eye of the storm in which you sit that you feel the reprieve of the sun on your weathered faces.
(the White Sox took 2 of 3)
The Milwaukee Brewers (7) vs. The Colorado Rockies (8) (7/1)
I associate both of these teams with beer and that's a good thing. I was also somewhat shocked to see the Brewers midway near the top of the Table and the Rockies only above the dreadful White Sox.
I blame the uniforms. They remind me of American Gladiator for some reason which is a good thing. But they are NOT American Gladiator and that is a bad thing that makes me resentful of their entire state.
The series is tied 1-1 heading into Wednesday's matchup.
The Cleveland Guardians (7) vs. The Chicago White Sox (6) (7/2)
Seriously how are the White Sox this bad? With almost half the season played they have 24 wins! Sub 30% win rate! What the fuck is going on in the City of Deep Dish Delight?! Who has anything to gain!?
Moving forward we'll add the position change week to week. I'm also wrapping this up around 12:30 am so a few teams records will change between now and morning.
Although some may call it bias I've got to highlight Phillies Left Fielder Brandon Marsh this week. Normally this will be reserved for a member of the bearded community who excelled in the previous week while representing his people. He did fine this week but this time I am compelled to make a point.
Look I'm a beard guy myself but after seeing it recently in person I had to highlight the hairy octopus living on his face.
Yes I may be taking his non facial hair (it's always so wet) into the equation but it is clearly a singular entity with intelligence. It has to count. I'm not breaking the rules of my own segment on the first week. IT'S ALWAYS SO WET.
I admit I've thrown myself off entirely and will need to take a week to compose myself.
Fights, good plays, weird shit. Drama.
Stay a while and listen.
Artificial Intelligence continues to develop and gain momentum. Some think it will spell the end of the world. Some think it will only take away some jobs.
I don't know which one I think is more likely. I guess I'll just say the jobs as I don't really want to think about a Sky Net / Terminator situation. Not that it's that terrifying but because it reminds me of the fact there's like 10 of those fucking movies now and it makes me sad when franchises are gleefully mounted from behind by Hollywood.
Anyway the point here is that many workers, from blue collar factory workers to white collar engineers could see their lively hoods disappear.
But what about the thought, dare I say it, that some people should lose their jobs?
Some might need to for the greater good. The people I'm talking about today are specifically the black jack dealers at the Mohegan Sun Pocono near Scranton PA.
I got absolutely rocked at the tables this past weekend by what can only be described in short:
If dealers are going to go on epic runs of brutalizing me I should at least be able to scream at them. But I can't! My genetic Irish Catholic guilt foils me yet again!
I could only sheepishly chuckle and say to my friend Tom "Well, this certainly is one doozy of a night pal!"
Now imagine if that dealer was a Robot. You could yell and scream "Fuck you, you giant tin can fuck! I HATE YOU!" all the while pelting it with the remnants of your Gin and Tonic. No feelings hurt, no pit bosses coming over to break your fingers. Just released anger and frustration for your own dumb decisions. A fair exchange I say for hundreds of dollars even if it might, might have been your own fault. The Robot would pause, lime still stuck to it's face, and say:
The inaugural Mustache Mention honoree is San Francisco Giants relief pitcher Sean Hjelle.
At first glance you may say, wow what a goatee/mustache combo. Bold move Cotton.
It's not where you start. It's where you end up.
Congrats to Sean for taking off that overgrown soul patch and turning into a late 60's porn star. The patch must have been draining his life force directly as he's currently having the best year of his career to date.
Well done.
Next week I'll continue to fine tune this bitch. This week was hard. I work full time and took an accidental nut shot tonight from the kids. This was my Jordan Flu Game. This analogy doesn't work because I suck. Once I actually learns all the players on teams that don't start with 'The Phillies' that'll be a milestone. Bear with me as I have never chosen to dive deep into the Baseball crevasses as hard and fast before. It's a new sensation.
Thanks for reading this week and if you have any comments, questions, or recommendations in regards to this series, feel free to email me at kirk@illandodd.com and I'll be sure to get back to you and may include them as part of a mailbag section.