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A bet made, a bet fulfilled. As we close out the 2023 NFL season I ate an Applebee's well done steak.
Aside from the actual dollars we stood to gain (or mostly lose) this NFL season, Matt and I had a bet for our Oddball season totals and I came out on the losing side. I had two major opportunities during the year to secure a solid lead and took big swings and came up short. I should have known my swings were weak. After all my friends have all seen me attempt to smack the piss out of one of those arcade boxing games. It was bad.
Having lost the in season bet with Matt I owed going down to my local Applebee's and ordering a well done steak.
While that may not seem like a big deal to you, I would just say you weren't there. You weren't there as I watched my friend Matt eat a gray, twisted, gristly slab of burnt rubber over 10 years ago at this very same Applebee's. You may ask yourself, why would you even order a steak at Applebee's? A good question. One that we asked at the time but to which Matt only gave a vague shrug to in response. The shame most likely figuring into his minds calculation that if he didn't speak he would get less shit for it. That and the fact we were not entirely sober. At that same meal the server said, would you like to try our new appetizer, vodka infused grapes. This is 100% true. Never would I have expected I'd be eating vodka infused grapes at an Applebee's but I've lived a strange life.
I digress.
I went down to get it over with and made sure to document the process. I will not stand for being called a piece of shit liar and wanted to be above reproach. I also know Matt is famously militant with his bets and would hold it against me forever if I wasn't careful. My wife was gracious enough to risk her health to document the journey.
We made our way inside and were promptly seated at a dark booth near the bar. The entire area smelled of cleaning product. I was excited.
With the anticipation of the well done steak ahead of me, we ordered some chicken wonton tacos to start in the hopes I could enjoy some part of this day. Also that was the only appetizer that didn't have a (!)SODIUM WARNING label next to it. This is a real thing.
After a time period that seemed too short, a steak was placed in front of me.
To my surprise, the presentation of the meal and the steak itself looked pretty good. As we all know, it's what's on the inside that counts (at least for food).
As you can see, I clearly abided by the rules of the bet and ordered this thing well done. Not a hint of pink to be found. Still, I was surprised at how appetizing it looked besides that fact. I was hungry. I cut into the meat and paired the first bite of steak with a dollop of the mashed potatoes.
The verdict?
It was good.
Sure it was a bit tough, it's a well done steak after all, but it had some flavor left to it. It actually appeared to have been grilled when I thought they only used microwaves to warm up their food. The mashed potatoes were buttery and good. The broccoli was solid. I did not expect this. Not in the slightest. I had been preparing my stomach and training my mind for weeks in advance of this meal. To have actually...enjoyed it? I think I blacked out as a result and realized I was back at home before I knew what was happening.
I ate every fucking thing! I liked it!
You know what this is? It's Karma. For all Matt's barbs this year and the heartache I experienced with a couple of massive bets failing, this is the pay off. Our season ending bet was designed to be a tortuous experience. An experience that would leave the man with not just having lost his wallet during the season, but in addition being forced to lose his insides over a toilet. I made exciting bets and I lost. But I'll never regret it. And while I didn't think it would be possible, I'll never regret this meal either.
With that we close the book on the NFL season and our Oddball competition. I thoroughly enjoyed it and shit talking/being shit talked by my 'friend' throughout the year. Here's to next year and a new bet we'll have to cook up.
Sláinte.