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Kirk posts a sixth-straight losing week, Matt scrapes by with a little bit of profit, but the duo hits big on their Thursday night same-gamer!
Oddball is our weekly NFL gambling competition where we each get $100 every week and try to outdo each other. The loser has to eat a well-done Applebee's steak.
Recap: Matt's Picks
$100.00 wagered $28.00 won +$243.57 for the season
Not a bad week over here. Nothing too exciting, just slowly churning out profit and padding my lead. My tortoise-like strategy is beginning to infuriate Kirk and I will enjoy watching him take more and more desperate swings in an attempt to eat away at the nearly $800 hole he has dug himself.
One bright spot is that we teamed up on a Thursday night same gamer that Kirk managed to not get his stink all over. Hopefully you read until the end of Week 9 picks and tailed it.
D. Henry over 12.5 receiving yards C. Okonkwo over 2.5 receptions D. Johnson over 39.5 receiving yards Titans First Half +1.5
Everything hit pretty easily except for Chig Okonkwo who had 0 catches with 1:17 seconds left in the game. On the final drive, he caught three balls. Including a nice grab with just 16 seconds left to win us our bet. I was so excited I had to go outside and walk around on the driveway for a bit before I could fall asleep. The very next play was a game-ending Will Levis interception. Talk about winning by the skin of your teeth!
✅ Won $676.67 (doesn't count, but we'll be buying drinks with it!)
Bengals -1.5
Straight up ATS (-115)
The Bengals Super Bowl odds have fallen again (now down to 14-1). They definitely look impressive, even as the Bills continue to fade from contention. This was a pretty easy win, as it was pretty obvious early on that the Bengals were faster and more physical on both sides of the ball.
Here's an email from our friend "Best Balls" Phil:
Bengals are favored. You put +1.5 on Oddball. Moron.
Thanks, bud. Sorry for the typo. You're welcome for the winning pick. Dick.
✅ Won $40.00
Raiders -1.5
Straight up ATS (-110)
An absolute curb stomping. Kirk and I bet the alt line of Raiders -29.5 before this game and came very close to covering. The Giants are a dumpster fire. They are clearly the among the worst three teams in the league. Maybe the worst. Which means they will absolutely beat the Cowboys outright next week as 16.5-point underdogs. I still have Dallas available in my survivor pool and will definitely be taking them in this spot. Therefore, be warned!
We reached out to friend-of-the-site Tyrod Taylor for comment after it was announced Daniel Jones will miss the rest of the season with a torn ACL. According to Brian Daboll, the starting job now belongs to Tyrod as soon as he's healthy enough to play. Tyrod's response?
god fuckin dammit
Well said, Tyrod.
✅ Won $20.00
6-Point Teaser (-134)
Panthers +8.5
Browns -2.5
The Panthers are giving me fits this year. I can't seem to successfully bet on them or against them. That's probably a sign that I should stop watching this awful football team. Why am I chewing off my fingernails watching Bryce Young and Tommy DeVito every week? Why do I continue to neglect my family in favor of lopsided scores and double-digit sack totals? Why didn't I just bet the Browns -8.5 and cover easily?
Anyway, here's my weekly condemnation of teasers. They are dumb, I rarely win them, key numbers, yada yada. On to Week 10 (wow, we're already halfway done 😭).
❌ Lost $32.00
Editor's Note: Uncle Jack is still suffering shortness of breath after the electric performance delivered by his favorite quarterback "Tj Shroud". Colin reports that he is resting comfortably in his recliner, loudly (and incorrectly) playing along with Jeopardy! re-runs. We are eagerly anticipating his midseason QB power rankings next week, which he assures us "will not be kind to cyberbully Jared Goof or patchouli-drenched Garfield Minshew". Stay tuned.
Kirk's Picks
$100.00 wagered $100.00 lost -$543.51 for the season
As Matt mentioned above the best thing I did all week was not put bad mojo on our 1st tandem bet. Making a nice chunk of change there was especially nice as I said, "well fuck it" and went to bed in the middle of the 4th quarter as 3/4 of our legs hit with not sight of hope for the last. Waking up to a 'holy shit we won' text was a good feeling.
To further qualify myself, it may be out of the confines of this competition but believe it or not I'm not a total failure of a gambler. A seven unit bet on the Bengals to cover against the spread versus Buffalo helped me pad the ol' Fan Duel account.
Now, having said that...
I'm still losing here looking more and more each week like a gaping asshole! Matt's started sending me encouraging memes! Fucking Prick!
Rams +3.5
Straight up ATS (-110)
Man what an ugly game. Stafford was ruled out (also he didn't even dress so wtf? why was he listed as questionable so late into the week then #nflisrigged) which meant some guy whose name I'm not going to learn led a futile attempt all game to do much of anything.
Worse, the Packers did look so god damn bad! They are a truly ugly team and similar to last week when Saleh celebrated exuberantly beating the Giants in a total affront to the Gods, the same debt is coming for the Packers (Rams Defense did their job btw).
The Packers jumping around after the game like teenagers scoring their first schnapps off their parents with big dumb smiles on their faces will come back to bite them. Their Quarterback of the future is awful and their offense continues to be uninspired.
I don't regret the pick. I will look to capitalize on the incoming Karma smack down coming to grundle punch these Packers. They play next week against the Steelers in the Burgh which will probably the most unwatchable crap game I bet tons of money on.
See you next week!
❌ Lost $100.00
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!