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Kirk continues to find ways to lose, but hey, at least his meds are kicking in. And at least he's not a Giants fan...
Oddball is our weekly NFL gambling competition where we each get $100 every week and try to outdo each other. The loser has to eat a well-done Applebee's steak.
Recap: Matt's Picks
$211.63 wagered $32.43 lost +$215.57 for the season
I'm not sure why this week felt like such a gut-punch. I didn't get totally crushed and it was addition by subtraction as Kirk losing his entire bankroll actually widened my lead in a week where I didn't even make a profit. But that said, pushes are really tough. Especially when one of them involves the Giants blowing a lead in the last 24 seconds to Zach Wilson. But we'll get to that...
Broncos +7.5
Straight up ATS (-120)
Stinky underdogs in their own division are usually solid plays, but even as I held my nose and bet this one, I didn't like it. Then the news started coming out about lots of snow in Denver and Mahomes having the flu. So I started liking it a bit more. But yeah, woof, are there any good teams in the NFL this year? Sorry to everyone who put the Chiefs in a teaser. I'm really surprised I wasn't one of them this week. Let's give it up for Russell Wilson and the boys for saving my week with their first win over the Chiefs since Peyton Manning beat them in 2015.
✅ Won $40.00
Packers +1.5
Straight up ATS (-105)
Let's check in with Uncle Jack, who did win his $4.50 moneyline bet on the Vikings, but jinxed their QB in the process:
Your wrong about the Packers. Their terrible. What a tough week for QB's, huh? You're boy Tyrone Taylor and my guy Kurt Cousins both went down. And then I heard on the radio that Kenny Pickens, John Ridder, and Matthew Stratford all got hurt too. The problem with these guys is they do too much of that cold plunge yoga mumbo jumbo. When I was a kid, we played tackle, no pads, in the parking lot behind the Dairy Queen. All we did before the game was smoke a couple of Marlboros and touch our toes a few times to loosen up. Never got hurt once. These guyses' bones are too brittle from all the ice water their swimming around in, not too mention the vagan diet doesn't have any damn protein in it. Just ask Colin. I caught him eating tofu wings on Sunday. Poor kid's eyes had turned all red and he was having trouble focusing and staying awake. These guys need to start taking care of there bodies better or we're gonna have to watch Danny Devito and Jared Hall again. If that's the case I'm returning this Firestick and going back to watching Law & Order re-runs on USA Network. The original —not that SVU nonsense. That's much too spicy to put on when Susie is home.
❌ Lost $42.00
Commanders +7.0
Straight up ATS (-105)
Not much to say here. I feel pretty lucky to get out of here with a push. I don't really know what the Eagles defense is doing giving up 31 points to the Commanders. They also only sacked Sam Howell, who gets sacked a billion times a game, once? But their offense is looking like it is clicking into place, their quarterback didn't get hurt, and they won. Better than most of these so-called "contenders" can say this week. Guess I should have drafted AJ Brown instead of Justin Jefferson in fantasy.
Side note: Fantasy is dumb.
🙄 Pushed
Giants +3.0
Straight up ATS (-105)
This game set football back about 50 years. There were 24 punts, only 4 successful third down conversions, and the Giants finished with -9 passing yards THE WORST IN THE NFL SINCE THE 2000 BROWNS!
I won't even get into all the dumb shit that happened because just search "giant disaster" on X and you'll see it right next to the Hunter Biden plea deal conspiracies, but it can be effectively summarized in this chart:
Our reigning coach of the year is really making it hard to root for this team.
It should be noted that it was really fun watching this at my daughter's 2nd birthday party at my in-laws' house. Being asked about the nuances of the NFL's overtime rules by Uncle Jerry while your favorite team blows a 99.9% chance of winning is really wonderful for one's blood pressure.
Speaking of medicine, prayers up for our guy Tyrod Taylor who was taken to the hospital midway through this one. Big T, now that you have plenty of time to catch up on Bachelor in Paradise, we are expecting to hear your thoughts in Thursday's mailbag. Get well soon, buddy.
🙄 Pushed
Moneyline Parlay (+252)
Steelers Texans
I'm still too mad from writing about the Giants to think of anything to say about this bet. Two inconsistent teams. Bad pick. On to Week 9.
❌ Lost $30.43
Kirk's Picks
$100.00 wagered $100.00 lost -$443.51 for the season
All I do is lose, lose, lose, NO MATTER WHAT.
It's a Me, The QB (Same Game Parlay)
Baker Mayfield to score a rushing TD, Josh Allen to score a rushing TD (+3323)
This would have been nice but alas, Baker Mayfield was unselfish on one of their rare red zone appearances during this TNF matchup. He hit Chris Godwin for a clean TUD over the middle instead of risking life and limb for my prop.
✅ Josh Allen
❌ Baker Mayfield
❌ Lost $25.00
Multigame Money Line Parlay
Colts, Titans, Vikings (+660)
A handful of huge downfield plays from Derek Carr sank this bet. This Saints team remains an enigma. They've looked miserable all year but got it together for a perfect spoiler game. Also, I probably should have stayed away from this Colts team that looks close to packing it in for the season already.
❌ Colts
✅ Titans
✅ Vikings
❌ Lost $75.00
I'm keeping positive vibes even though this season has really gotten away from me. Just like in Vegas when remembering to tip your dealers, keep the positive vibes going and Karma will come back your way. I'm not too butt hurt this week and even with another big L, I feel the tides subtlety turning.
Good things are coming, good things.
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!
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