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Kirk and Matt get $100 each per week and go head-to-head to see who can light the most money on fire betting the NFL this season.
Welcome back to Oddball! Our weekly NFL gambling competition. The rules are simple:
We each get $100 to make NFL bets every week.
We must bet the entire $100.
We'll post our picks every Thursday and recap how we did every Tuesday.
We can only bet on stuff that will be resolved during the week (no futures).
Loser must eat an entire well-done steak at Applebee's.
Any profit you make in a given week can be banked and used later. Any portion of the $100 that you don't lose, cannot be used later but does count towards your overall total for the season.
Now that the rules preamble is over, let's get to the picks and see how Matt's transgressions against the Football Gods catch up to him.
Matt's Picks
$211.63 available to bet this week +$111.63 last week +$248.00 for the season
Okay, I'm feeling the pressure a little bit after making money in four straight weeks. Luckily for me, I didn't have to think very hard about the slate this week. There are a few of my absolute favorite wagering opportunities on the board — home divisional dogs. Let's grab them by the collar and collect our winnings.
Broncos +7.5
Straight up ATS (-120)
Let's lead with the most disgusting, mangy, downtrodden dog on the slate. Absolutely no one likes this team. They gave up 70 fucking points earlier in the year and now they have to play against Mahomes coming off a four-touchdown, 424-yard performance. Perfect! Absolutely everyone will put the Chiefs in a teaser. Let's go the other way.
Or should we move this line to 9.5 and watch them lose by 10? (See what I did there, Kirk?)
💰 $48.00 to win $40.00
Packers +1.5
Straight up ATS (-105)
Similar rationale as the above pick. The Packers stink, no one wants anything to do with them. They somehow lost to the aforementioned Broncos last week. And then on the other side, you have everyone gushing over the Vikings for knocking off the Niners. Case in point, my front-running Uncle Jack, who is dancing in that purple rain this week:
You know who doesn't get nearly enough credit? Kurt Cousins. Everybody was saying he should be traded, but he just beat the "best" team in the NFL without the "best" receiver in the NFL to throw to. Take it from me, I know what it's like to be under appreciated. I go to the plant and bust my hump all day long while you're aunt sits on the couch and does her Suduku puzzles and you're cousin prances around on his TikToks looking like those Mardi Gras freaks. All I get are raised eyebrows and an ingrate who makes me buy vagan cheese with my hard-earned money and tells me I'm raping the climate if I want to eat a god damned steak after a long day listening to Tony gripe about his "uninhibited" daughters. I don't know what this country is coming to, but I'm glad we get to see red-blooded, flag-waving, men of God like Kurt Cousins every Sunday on my Firestick. Hell, I might even start wearing purple if they win again this week.
Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and fade that.
💰 $42.00 to win $40.00
Commanders +7.0
Straight up ATS (-108)
Yet another divisional home dog as the Commanders host the Eagles. Man, the city of Philadelphia was really riding high on Sunday night. The Eagles had just convincingly beaten the Dolphins and the Phillies were a win away from the World Series. Things spiraled pretty quick with back-to-back losses to the Diamondbacks on Monday and Tuesday. I have no idea what it's like to want to throw up because of your baseball team, but I imagine it's just devastating. It would be a real shame if Sam Howell kicked Philadelphians in their collective nuts during such a painful time.
💰 $43.20 to win $40.00
Giants +3.0
Straight up ATS (-120)
Friend-of-the-site Tyrod Taylor has gone silent this week. I can't say whether that is because he is diligently prepping to start on Sunday or because he is so relieved to be back to watching his trash reality TV on the bench. Either way, I'll take the Giants here. The big topic on New York sports radio this week was about how Zach Wilson went to Utah for the entire bye week with his girlfriend — presumably to cruise the Salt Lake City MILF scene for willing threesome participants. I'm not scared of a refreshed Zach Wilson, and I'm certainly not scared of a depleted one. Let's hope his endeavors were a great success and the Giants cruise to victory.
💰 $48.00 to win $40.00
Moneyline Parlay (+252)
Steelers
Texans
I had a little change left over and these were the two teams that I almost put into my bigger bets. Let's throw them in a little moneyline parlay. The worst-kept secret in football is how good Tomlin's record is as an underdog, so let's look for them to steal one at home against the overrated Jaguars.
Then let's take the well-rested Houston Texans against the train wreck Carolina Panthers. Remember — Bryce Young was drafted ahead of C.J. Stroud, even though Stroud has clearly looked leaps and bounds better. I think he's going to have an extra chip on his shoulder this week and try to stick it to the Panthers brass who passed on him. It should be pretty easy for him to do so, since the Panthers are one of the worst teams in the league at pressuring the quarterback. Although, that should come as no surprise since they are the worst team in the league at basically everything.
💰 $30.43 to win $76.91
Kirk's Picks
$100.00 available to bet this week -$100.00 last week -$343.51 for the season
Taking a couple shots this weekend. If I lose $100, hey I mean, my loss total for the season would still be under $500. Hell I just won that on a roulette spin this past weekend (suck it Matt).
Either of these bets would place me back in the black so it's GOT TO WORK OUT.
It's a Me, The QB (Same Game Parlay)
Baker Mayfield to score a rushing TD, Josh Allen to score a rushing TD (+3323)
Thursday night football has lived up to the expectation this year. It's a shit show. Boring, weird, fun?
So why not? Why not have these two bros run into the endzone and break my self inflicted curse?
With Tampa Bay stinking up the place recently and people doubting him, it's time for the Baker Mayfield swagger game.
Also replace Tampa Bay and Baker Mayfield in the sentence above with Buffalo and Josh Allen and it still applies.
These two teams stink but I think the QB bros come with the guns out to really get the talking heads going on about if they are in fact the same QB from alternate timelines.
💰 $25.00 to win $830.80
Multigame Money Line Parlay
Colts, Titans, Vikings (+660)
Colts got screwed last week to lose to the Browns. Clear case of the refs having a shit ton on the Browns money line cover. Look for them to play mad and well at home against a really depressing Saints team.
Falcons have won by the skin of their teeth a few times. I think their quarterback straight up sucks. I'll take the Vrabel Titans defense and run game at home who want to make a statement and try to claw back to 500.
The Vikings look like they may be back? I'm hoping they don't sleepwalk after an impressive win against the 49'ers. Having said that, have you seen this Packers team? My god they are awful.
With all 1PM start times I'll enjoy having things wrapped up by the mid afternoon games.
💰 $75.00 to win $495.38
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!
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