Oddball: Week 7 Recap

Matt put up a perfect record and his fourth-straight profitable week, opening up a $500 lead on Kirk.

Oddball is our weekly NFL gambling competition where we each get $100 every week and try to outdo each other. The loser has to eat a well-done Applebee's steak.

Recap: Matt's Picks

$136.37 wagered $111.63 won +$248.00 for the season

Well this was a fun little pool while it lasted. Kirk, my man, I hope you've begun a serious jaw-stretching regimen. You're going to need all of the tensile strength you can muster when you're chowing down on that well-done sirloin at your Neighborhood Bar & Grill.

Here's a live look at Kirk's attempt to beat me this week:

Ravens

Moneyline (-154)

Loved the Ravens all week. Basically the only stupid thing I did betting-wise was let the full 3 scare me off the spread. This wasn't even close to mattering. I sat in horrific traffic on the Merritt Parkway heading to watch the 1:00 PM slate with Best Balls Phil. I ended up getting there a bit late, maybe like 1:35 or so. This game was already at 21-0 when I walked in the door and it never got any closer. Not much to break down here, so I'll turn it over to Uncle Jack's email instead.

What a performance by Blatimore! Nobody on my radio programs are saying anything about that creep Jared Goof this morning. Tony from the plant said his niece was so happy she ordered a Lavar Jackson for President t-shirt through the Amazon. Not sure about his other policies but I think he's been pretty clued in about the vacceine so far. Probably Rajaswamy would need to consider him for Surgeon General especially if this MVP level season keeps up. Anyway, we saved you a few pigs in a blanket. Susie made Colin run to the Shoprite for mustard but he wouldn't get the dijon since its not vagan. I almost threw up trying to eat whatever all-natural crap he bought. What is happening to this country?? I bet Lavar Jackon doesn't eat vagan hot dogs. Goof, on the other hand, is definitely not getting enough protein. Fade the Lions!

✅ Won $30.00

Eagles

Moneyline (-144)

Well, the reverse jinx did not work. Not only did the Eagles beat up the secretly-not-very-good Dolphins, the Phillies also punched their ticket to the World Series. I am writing this on Monday afternoon... just hours before Game 6. But since it's Philadelphia sports, absolutely nothing can go wrong and I definitely will not have to go back and edit this if they lose. Congrats to the city of Philadelphia on a huge week!

Editor's Note: Hahaha.

✅ Won $20.00

Steelers

Moneyline (+142)

The Tomlin underdog stats continue to pile up. I'm completely unsure what to make of this team. Their offense looks horrible for long stretches, but Pickens and Warren are definitely starting to get a bit frisky. T.J. Watt also continues to be a game-breaker on defense. I don't know if I'd ever trust this team as a sizable favorite, but if the books keep giving them points, I'll probably keep taking them.

Fucking Jake from Jersey tried to compliment this pick, but basically turned it into a humble brag.

Whoa Steelers with the upset, huh? Good call. Watched it from the flight. The first-class Polaris seats are amazing. Btw - have you watched White Lotus? I'm staying at the hotel from the first season and the first thing I saw was the concierge desk and I was really hoping for a guy with an Australian accent to greet us. I think the MNF game starts at like 2:15 here, so hopefully there are TVs out by the pool. I have McCaffrey in fantasy so hopefully he is healthy enough to go.

Okay, thanks for the email... dick. I had to read this right alongside texts chronicling Kirk's exploits in Vegas. I spent all day Sunday sitting in traffic on the exotic Merritt Parkway. What the hell am I doing wrong in life? NOT PICKING GAMES, THAT'S FOR SURE.

✅ Won $31.63

6-Point Teaser (-134)

Giants +9.0 Falcons +8.5

Is teasing two outright winners lame or legendary? As friend-of-the-site Tyrod Taylor says, I'm playing chess and you're all playing checkers. Oh shit, that reminds me. We got another email from Tyrod immediately after Sunday's big victory.

guys, i think i fucked up. dimes couldn't go, so they made me stop watchin real housewives on the surface and actually play again. i was pissed, so i thought about goin out there and throwin a couple horrific picks like my nfc east bretheren dak and jalen. but then i realized that's exactly what they want me to do. tyrod ain't nobody's puppet. i'm a chess-playin, tud-throwin, card-carryin member of bachelor nation. now they're talkin about makin me the starter! why? because i have the same amount of td's, 6 less picks, and 20 fewer sacks than dimes? oh shit, that actually is kind of legit. you guys gotta get me outta here fast. we got the jets defense comin up next weekend, plus it's gonna be hometowns on golden bach. i'm takin private shiatsu lessons at a strip mall in secaucus to try to heal dimes' neck, but that shit is hard to master. if i can't figure it out, you're gonna need to use one of your kidnap strategies on me. tommy devito can step up next, that guy doesn't even watch tv. kirk - you gotta step it up, brother. those applebee's steaks are fuckin gross and that's comin from someone who's smelt daboll's pre-game dump. good luck out there boys, tell owen wislon what's up for me.

✅ Won $30.00

Kirk's Picks

$100.00 wagered $26.10 lost -$343.51 for the season

Well it could be worse that's for damn sure. Not losing my entire bankroll is progress I guess. Matt is also reaching peak smug status so watch out for the Football Gods karmic retribution.

Also why does Ice T look like Claymation in this GIF? I stumbled upon this and it is seriously upsetting me to look at this. Does he have 25 pounds of makeup on his face? I'm actually still nauseous from my Vegas trip and this may make me boot all over my keyboard.

P.S. I hope some of our readers have at least been fading my picks so far. I would be happy for them.

The Dog's Moneyline Parlay

Your New York Football Giants, The Chicago Bears, The Detroit Lions (+1136)

This one hurts. I could live with losing a parlay, clearly it happens every god damn day for me. The pain is from the absolute ball whipping the Lions took at the hands of the Ravens. It was the game I felt most uncomfortable taking of the three and of course I was right to worry as it was the only miss. This has been a season of league crowned favorites taking some serious humbling from week to week. That's the NFL baby.

❌ Lost $20.00

The I Can't Quit You Bet

Eagles Straight Up ATS (-118)

THANK YEW BIRDS. Glad I could win some cash somewhat sweat free. The sweat I did have is due to the fact I really think Jalen Hurts is playing like he's invincible this season and it's going to cost them big down the road. He already has more turnovers than all of last season. He stays in pocket and doesn't seem to react to pressure coming from his backside once the play has clearly broken down. My friend Tom wishes I would stfu about it but hey, it's his fault for being my friend so deal with it Tom.

✅ Won $33.90

The Spite Bet

Chargers Moneyline (+194)

I take solace that my $30 is my own humble contribution to Brandon Staley's severance payout. I'm sure Fan Duel has some sort of profit sharing scheme for Coaches that dupe the public money into being placed on their team. Should have known that anything coming out of L.A. IS FRADULENT.

❌ Lost $30.00

Multiteam ATS Parlay

Browns -3, Giants +3, Bucs -2.5, Bears +3, Lions +3, Rams -3 (+4583)

You win some, you lose some. Besides the surprise Ravens demolishing of the Lions we covered I was most surprised by the Browns defense turning into a fat pumpkin from week to week.

On to next week. As this hole deepens the reliance of more extravagant parlays is inevitable. I will pray at the altar of the Football Gods and hope Matt spitting in their eye will serve as the conduit to my ascension.

See you Thursday night my loathesome friend.

❌ Lost $10.00

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