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Kirk and Matt get $100 each per week and go head-to-head to see who can light the most money on fire betting the NFL this season.
Welcome back to another season of Oddball! Our weekly NFL gambling competition. The rules are simple:
We each get $100 to make NFL bets every week.
We must bet the entire $100.
We'll post our picks every Thursday and recap how we did every Tuesday.
We can only bet on stuff that will be resolved during the week (no futures).
Loser must drive to the State Diner in Ithaca, NY and eat a bowl of chicken and rice soup alone.
Any profit you make in a given week can be banked and used later. Any portion of the $100 that you don't lose, cannot be used later but does count towards your overall total for the season.
Now that the rules preamble is over, let's hope what happens in Vegas is somewhat profitable!
Matt's Picks
$100.00 available to bet this week -$100.00 last week -$314.60 for the season
Kirk and I are heading to Las Vegas for the weekend! If all of your virtual bets are losing, then it only makes sense to try placing some wagers in person. If any of our thousands of readers from the state of Nevada want to meet up, you'll find us living it up at the Toby Keith Blackjack Pit at 3:00 AM. Wish us luck! Friend of the site, Nicholas Cage certainly did...
Chiefs (+1.5)
Straight up ATS (-112)
Umm, you're going to give me Mahomes as an underdog against a shaky 49ers team who might be trotting out their fourth-string running back? Sign me up. Especially after seeing how much of a struggle it is for San Francisco to score in the red zone. We know that Steve Spagnuolo will be putting the clamps down inside the 20, making it very difficult for anyone to pull away from the Chiefs on the scoreboard. As long as they are close in the fourth quarter, how do you not pick Mahomes to get it done?
💰 $56.00 to win $50.00
6-Point Teaser Fuck The Haters! (-134)
Lions +8.5 Texans +8.5
Can't stop, won't stop. But let's tease some actual good teams for once.
Lions: Yes, they lost Aidan Hutchinson. Yes, I bet on him to lead the league in sacks. Yes, the team has contacted me to ask that I stop jinxing them with my horrible bets. No, I did not agree to their proposal. The Lions offense looks really good and you can't convince me that Sam Darnold is going to outscore them by more than a touchdown. Enough with this Vikings shit. I've had enough. It's almost Halloween. It's time for Darnold and Kevin "Goofball at a Party Who Won't Stop Talking About Crypto" O'Connell to turn back into pumpkins.
Texans: Much like the Lions, the Texans offense seems to have shaken off the early-season rust and looked like a well-oiled machine last week. Joe Mixon's return definitely helped. Nico Collins' absence did not. Either way, I think this is an interesting matchup between two good teams that should stay close. I also love the narrative of putting Uncle Jack's favorite and least favorite quarterbacks into a teaser together. What could possibly go wrong?
💰 $39.00 to win $29.25
Moneyline Parlay (+886)
Patriots Browns
I'm in quite a hole and betting on Drake Maye in London and DeShaun Watson in Prison is probably not a great way at digging out. But hear me out:
Patriots: They are playing the Jags who have completely quit on Doug Pederson. They just want to go home. No way they are putting up a huge effort in this one to save Butters' job. All Maye has to do is be somewhat competent and the Pats win this one.
Browns: Just a no-nonsense contrarian pick. After getting embarrassed basically every week of the season and trading away their top offensive target in Amari Cooper, absolutely nobody is betting the Browns. But remember: the Bengals are NOT good. They let Daniel Jones hang around far too long last week.
💰 $5.00 to win $44.30
Tyrod's Take
ay yo what up ill crew? it's ya boy tyrod, comin at ya this week from the baggage claim area at jfk. i'm out here pickin up davante adams from the airport. the team thought it would be a good idea to send me, since i drive a tricked out chrysler pacifica hybrid with plenty of trunk space. you'd never believe how much luggage this cat travels with. maybe i'll run into talmage catchin his flight to vegas.
boy do i love vegas! i'll never forget the first time i went there as a 19-year-old freshman at virginia tech. my roommate chester's gramma loved to play the slots and got us a comped room at harrah's for spring break. we bought a handle of jim beam and a monorail pass and raised holy hell all up and down the strip. chester even decided to go for a swim in the bellagio fountain. it's a shame he ate so many volcano nachos at margaritaville for dinner, because he quickly cramped up and got fished out by security.
i was always a mature-lookin individual, so i had no problem with the gamblin and the boozin. but as all your readers know, i have a helluva throwin arm. i had a little trouble keepin the dice on the craps table. i kept chuckin those bad boys clear over the back wall until finally the croupier or some shit told me it was time to find a new game. by then chester was chattin up some cocktail waitress who was explainin the rules of pai gow to us. it's been years though, i can't really remember how it worked.
what i do remember is havin an epic run at the high limit table until chester humped it so hard in celebration that it fell over and scattered the chips everywhere. we grabbed our winnins and booked it to smith & wollensky at the canal shops for some late night steak frites. we ended up dinin with the blue man group. you wouldn't even recognize those cats without the face paint. solid dudes though. paid for our whole meal and played a killer tune using nothin but the glassware. chester's gramma was pretty mad when we got back to the room at 3am covered in blue goop and a1 sauce.
irregardless, i hope you fellas have a great trip. try to win a few bets for a change. kirk, my man, maybe let your wife hang on to your wallet for the duration of the trip.
ah — here comes davante. he looks pissed. i better go pull the pacifica around to the curb. have a safe flight, see ya next week after we ass blast the steelers!
Kirk's Picks
$100.00 available to bet this week -$100.00 last week -$434.30 for the season
Yes, yes, yessssssss. This weekend Matt and I return to the gambling mecca and all will be right with the world.
We've found that losing $100 a week is insufficient to scratch the itch on the balls that is our very real problem.
Oh yeah, we're also going to the When We Were Young festival to get back to our roots. Well really, Matt's roots which were the roots that I latched onto freshman year as I had no real personality heading into college outside of Halo.
I expect to be as close to legally dead as possible on the flight home from double fisting $20 festival beers and forgetting that my aged body is not a temple but a gaping, rotting orifice.
Apologies in advance to my wonderful wife!
Moneyline Parlay (+111)
Packers
Commanders
Believe it or not, I'm actually not terrible at football betting. Each week I just shit the bed with my Oddball picks and recoup the losses through my out of competition picks. Last week the Vikings, Bengals, and Bills all got it done for me.
But guess what?
That doesn't mean shit! I am revaluating my cavalier attitude for one simple reason. I do not want to drive to Ithaca New York as punishment for losing this year. That is going to be brutal.
So this week we're going to take a different tact. Still some risk but taking two home favorites to get the juice to +111 is a good way to be conservative yet still frisky.
I'm taking a Packers squad at home against the "Super Bowl Contending" Houston Texans for two reasons.
The Packers offense is so fucking back with Jordan Love.
CJ Shroud invited awful, terrible, damning football karmic retribution upon himself, his team, and the whole city of Houston by 'little bro'ing' Caleb Williams earlier in the year as a second year player.
Hey Man, you'll go far in this league, just put your faith in God, God bless, God for real.
Bad move CJ. Bad move. The Football Gods never forget.
As far as the Commanders go, it's already well documented how much I love Jayden Daniels and that team in general for their turn around. If they can't beat the hapless Panthers at home, I'll probably just flip a coin for all bets moving forward for the rest of my life because then we really will be in a simulation and everything is pointless.
💰 $100.00 to win $111.28
Bonus Bet
-$100.00 last week -$400.00 for the season
Taking a break this week but might send some stuff out on Threads if you want to tail us / fade us (probably fade us). Here is something to tide you over.
Same Trip Parlay (+169)
Matt Talmage flight to Vegas over 4.5 glasses of red wine consumed
Kirk McCready first hand of blackjack under 16.5 total of the first two cards
Matt Talmage anytime vomit
Kirk McCready under 0.5 comped breakfasts earned on player's card
💰 $100.00 to win $169.00
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!