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Kirk and Matt get $100 each per week and go head-to-head to see who can light the most money on fire betting the NFL this season.
Welcome back to another season of Oddball! Our weekly NFL gambling competition. The rules are simple:
We each get $100 to make NFL bets every week.
We must bet the entire $100.
We'll post our picks every Thursday and recap how we did every Tuesday.
We can only bet on stuff that will be resolved during the week (no futures).
Loser must drive to the State Diner in Ithaca, NY and eat a bowl of chicken and rice soup alone.
Any profit you make in a given week can be banked and used later. Any portion of the $100 that you don't lose, cannot be used later but does count towards your overall total for the season.
Now that the rules preamble is over, let's make like the Phillies batting order and see how cold we can get.
Matt's Picks
$100.00 available to bet this week -$207.53 last week -$257.00 for the season
My picks were so bad last week that President Biden had to step away from Hurricane Milton relief efforts to send me this message.
Jets (+2.5)
Straight up ATS (-112)
As Jerry Seinfeld once said to George Costanza, "If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right". The Jets are in complete turmoil and just traveled home from London. Their head coach got the axe, their star quarterback is hobbled, and top fantasy running back Breece Hall is averaging under 40 rushing yards per game. Who in their right mind would bet on the Jets? This guy!
💰 $44.80 to win $40.00
Lions (-3.0)
Straight up ATS (-112)
Just because the Cowboys beat the Steelers on national television last week doesn't mean they are a good team. Dak Prescott became the first player in NFL history to throw an interception on back to back days (late Sunday night and early Monday morning) due to the lightning delay in Pittsburgh. Now they'll face a completely healthy and well-rested Lions team out for revenge over last year's controversial finish.
💰 $22.40 to win $20.00
Patriots (+6.5)
Straight up ATS (-108)
Another wager endorsed by the George Costanza strategy. The Patriots legitimately looked like the worst team in football last week against the completely depleted Dolphins. So now they are turning to their rookie quarterback behind an invisible offensive line. It seems like a recipe for disaster against a good Texans pass rush. But that's exactly what they want you to think! Let's go Drake Maye!
💰 $21.60 to win $20.00
Home Divisional Dog 6-Point Teaser (+260)
Seahawks +9.5 Panthers +12.0 Broncos +8.5 Saints +9.0
I love home divisional dogs. I love teasers. What could go wrong when you smash the two together?
Seahawks: They play the 49ers close and have covered in 18 out of their last 27 meetings. Both teams are trying to bounce back after tough losses as big favorites, but the Seahawks get the benefit of being at home on Thursday Night Football. Without Christian McCaffrey to run the clock at the end of games, the back door is always open.
Panthers: According to the Action Network, Kirk Cousins is only 42% ATS after a straight-up win in his career. That's the second-worst mark of over 200 quarterbacks in the last twenty years (behind only Jay Cutler). I was tempted to just take the Panthers on their own, but they've been so pathetic I just couldn't pull the trigger. And the home divisional dog teaser is a fun gimmick so I had to use it.
Broncos: Denver has been exceeding expectations all year, which means I'd normally be looking to fade them. But the Chargers style of play feeds right into the Broncos low-event game script. If not much happens in this one, give me the home team to keep it within a touchdown against the snooze-fest Bolts.
Saints: Any time you can bet on Spencer Rattler in a pro football game, you just have to do it. It looks like quarterback-in-dropped-pastry-form Derek Carr will miss this game, sending everyone and their brother to the betting apps to get money down on the Bucs. I'll take this one the other way. Plus, if it goes horribly it will be a good laugh.
💰 $11.20 to win $29.12
Booty Watch
Booty was firmly pressed to the bench during Saturday's victory against James Madison. We will update you if and when the General is back in action. Watch this space.
Tyrod's Take
ay yo what up ill crew? it's ya boy tyrod, comin at ya this week from inside robert saleh's empty office. mr. johnson insisted on personally boxin up coach's things and throwin them out into the middle of florham park. as soon as he finished up, i snuck in here to catch up on my programs.
i'm midway through a mad men rewatch and this week on the jets has had pretty much the same vibe as the season three finale, "shut the door, have a seat". don gets blindsided when his agency’s about to be bought out, and connie drops him like a bad habit, tellin him to take control of his life. so don rounds up cooper and roger with a plan to buy the agency themselves. roger (not rodgers) is salty at first, but don smooths things over, and they recruit lane, peggy, pete, and even foxy-ass joan for a whole secret raid, snatchin up files and clients to form a new offensive line. with me so far?
meanwhile, betty’s done with don’s trick plays. she hires a lawyer, plannin to leave him for some new stiff named henry, and she ain’t takin no for an answer. don tries to brush that shit off, but she makes it clear: she’s goin to reno for a divorce, and he better not get in her way. in the end, don’s left in a new apartment, ready to take on the ad world with his fresh crew, but his family? that’s fallin’ apart just as fast as he’s rebuildin’ his business.
man, that plot is like gang green come to life! except instead of runnin over people with a lawnmower, breece is runnin... well not very far i guess. let me try that again. except instead of downin scotch all day, aaron's lickin toad venom. yeah, that's better. him and don talk to their family about the same amount as each other though too, ya know?
anyways, i'm happy that his injury in london wasn't more severe as now i'm hooked and can't wait to see what happens to sterling cooper draper pryce in season four. as for the jets, just like don, we're on to somethin big, but only if we can survive the fallout from our personal demons and whatnot.
irregardless, damn talmage... what did you sell your gamblin soul for a mets win or something? your picks are colder than betty's side-eye when don strolls in at two in the morning stinkin of lucky strikes and strange perfume. get it together or you'll end up broker than lane pryce and it didn't end well for that cat.
Kirk's Picks
$165.00 available to bet this week +$65.00 last week -$269.30 for the season
Not going to lie to y'all - this has been one of the harder weeks personally in as long as I can remember.
It has not be a fun time.
This week is going to be short as shit and I'm sorry for that. And sorry to Matt for doing the heavy lifting here. Next week I'll return like the Phoenix. Promise.
Oh yeah and really sorry to Tyrod.
Bo Nix is Fun (-118)
Broncos +3
Given how my head is elsewhere this week - I just came home and pulled up Fan Duel, scrolled the games, and went with my gut. My gut's rational:
#1 Bo Nix is clearly a great glue guy who's team is going to end up dying on the field for him.
#2 I've come around on Sean Payton. He is an asshole but he owns it.
#3 This team's defense has turned around spectacularly in the last year. I'm hoping they keep winning turn over battles. I like the points.
#4 I like the horsey logo.
#5 I hate these dudes
💰 $165.00 to win $139.83
Bonus Bet
-$100.00 last week -$400.00 for the season
Matt traded away Kenneth Walker in fantasy this week, so at least one leg of tonight's same gamer is a lock. Tail at your own risk.
Same Game Parlay (+210)
Kenneth Walker anytime touchdown
Brock Purdy 225+ passing yards
Jaxon Smith-Njigba 25+ receiving yards
George Kittle 25+ receiving yards
💰 $100.00 to win $210.00
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!