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Kirk and Matt get $100 each per week and go head-to-head to see who can light the most money on fire betting the NFL this season.
Welcome back to another season of Oddball! Our weekly NFL gambling competition. The rules are simple:
We each get $100 to make NFL bets every week.
We must bet the entire $100.
We'll post our picks every Thursday and recap how we did every Tuesday.
We can only bet on stuff that will be resolved during the week (no futures).
Loser must drive to the State Diner in Ithaca, NY and eat a bowl of chicken and rice soup alone.
Any profit you make in a given week can be banked and used later. Any portion of the $100 that you don't lose, cannot be used later but does count towards your overall total for the season.
Now that the rules preamble is over, let's channel our inner Davante and make some business decisions.
Matt's Picks
$207.53 available to bet this week +$107.53 last week -$49.57 for the season
We have a lot of celebrity supporters on this website from Tyrod Taylor to Owen Wislon to Kid Rock. However, one notable NFL quarterback is clearly not a fan. After losing a bunch of money when the Ravens destroyed the Bills on Sunday night, Kirk slipped into Lamar Jackson's DMs. The Baltimore signal caller was NOT happy.
6-Point Teaser Fuck The Haters! (-120)
Raiders +8.5 Bengals +8.5
Raiders: No way Bo Nix should be an NFL favorite after passing for 60 yards last week. The Raiders have internal drama but I get the feeling they are pretty happy that Davante isn't around.
Bengals: Fade Parlay-Hater Jackson after a big win on Sunday Night Football. I dislike the Bengals and hope they lose. But it's a tough divisional matchup with Burrow playing well. They'll keep it close.
💰 $60.00 to win $50.00
Rams +3.5
Bought the hook (-124)
Uncle Jack heard on his radio programs that Jordan Love is still not feeling so great after returning from a scary injury unexpectedly early. He told me the caller was saying Love was at a cocktail bar listening to a baritone sax soloist while wearing a walking boot.
💰 $31.00 to win $25.00
Panthers +3.5
Straight up ATS (-108)
Sell high on the deeply flawed Bears. Buy low on the Panthers who just got stomped by a desperate Cincinnati team that wrote the book on Andy Dalton. The Red Rocket or Rifle or whatever the fuck will get it done.
💰 $27.00 to win $25.00
Steelers
Moneyline (-135)
The Cowboys suck and their thin defense just got thinner. They will struggle to contain the run, so even if the Steelers have to rely on Cordarrelle Patterson and Justin Fields running the option, they should be okay.
💰 $67.50 to win $50.00
Moneyline Parlay (+490)
Rams Texans 49ers
Rams: Everyone is lining up to bet the Packers and write the Rams off.
Texans: Uncle Jack is threatening to order a Sam Darnold jersey and swear off Stroud.
49ers: They worked last week to juice the odds, let's go back to the well.
💰 $22.03 to win $108.60
Sorry for the brief picks this week, I have a Mets playoff game to suffer through!
Booty Watch
I might need to flush this section. Booty continued to emit quite a stench last week against Troy. After going 1-for-4 for 8 yards, 0 touchdowns, and 1 interception in the entire first half, he was benched for the second half. The Warhawks went on to win the game and improve to 3-1, but we may have seen our last Booty for a while.
Tyrod's Take
ay yo what up ill crew? it's ya boy tyrod, comin at ya this week from across the pond in london, england. man, i thought this place would be like downton abbey or the crown, but i gotta tell ya, it's way more like industry with these espn jabronis judgin every misstep and slight between aaron and coach saleh.
i tried to take my mind off the drama by goin out and gettin a nice quiet breakfast. i was walkin around for like twenty minutes lookin for some kinda english denny's or at least a dunkin. but no, apparently ya gotta get breakfast in a pub over here. i ordered the full english and ended up with some streak of diarrhea on my plate called black puddin. black puddin is what they called my fat roommate at tech. i don't want it dancin around in my stomach at 8am. i was tryin to be open minded to a different culture and shit, so i took a bite. but i immediately started sweatin like i was in the fourth quarter of an overtime game. and don't even get me started on the beans with breakfast. fuckin beans? these english mofos must be walkin around all day rippin sour ass worse than coach daboll used to.
it's a good thing i watch so much game of thrones otherwise i don't think i'd understand what anyone is even talkin about over here. last night i asked the bellhop "yo bro, where the elevator at?" and he looked at me like i just asked him what kinda panties his momma wears. i finally made it to the room, opened up a bag of "crisps" because they don't have no doritos in the minibar, and watched some detective show from the bbc on demand. it was 5 seasons, 3 episodes per season. what in god's name is going on over here with the tv? tyrod misses his programs even more than he misses ketchup. if i have to open one more little packet of "brown sauce" i'm gonna leave a puddle of "tyrod ass sauce" under the table.
speakin of ass sauce, i was happy to see last week's picks were a bit less stanky than usual. keep up the great work in week 5 fellas. i gotta run and meet conklin and breece down in the lobby. we're headin over to see some famous clock named after ben roethlisberger. i didn't know he was even british. i guess that's why they say travelin abroad is so mind expandin.
irregardless, i'll be firin up my vpn and downloadin a couple dozens episodes of the american office to watch on the bench on sunday. the version they got over here is fuckin dark. hopefully aaron puts up a few more points this week. i don't even wanna think about gettin into the game against that vikings defense. those mofos are scary. peace out fools. or as they say in london, "cheerio mate" or some shit like that.
Kirk's Picks
$100.00 available to bet this week -$34.30 last week -$334.30 for the season
A new day, a new week, same dread.
My Eggs Are Firmly In This Basket (-120)
Commanders -3
Yes, in our check in on our preseason bets I mentioned the fact I had a futures bet on the Commanders approximately 17 times. I realize that. I'll be the first to tell you one of my faults is over committing.
I over commit to a lot. I over commit to bits. I even over commit to the friends I keep. I'm stuck with them at this point.
Here I'm just hoping that the awesome progress I've seen week over week with Jayden Daniels continues. I don't think they'll fall back to Earth, this is still a hungry dog team. Even sitting on top of the miserable NFC East they are still not getting any respect.
Hopefully they can go out and morally bitch slap the browns and their shady ass Quarterback enough to PUT SOME RESPECT ON THEIR NAMES GAWD DAMN'T!
(praying furiously to the Football Gods)
💰 $90.00 to win $75.00
4 Favorites, What Could Go Wrong (+1151)
Vikings -2.5, Commanders -3, Seahawks -6.5, Packers -3
💰 $10.00 to win $115.11
Bonus Bet
-$100.00 last week -$300.00 for the season
You guys are really gonna love what we've got for you this week.
Baker Mayfield to score a rushing touchdown (+750)
💰 $100.00 to win $750.00
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!
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