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Matt puts up a clean sweep thanks to Mason Rudolph, Joe Flacco, and Gardner Minshew. The victory gives him a huge lead over Kirk, who continues to spiral.
Oddball is our weekly NFL gambling competition where we each get $100 every week and try to outdo each other. The loser has to drive to the State Diner in Ithaca, NY and eat a bowl of chicken and rice soup alone. Let's take a look at how we did this week!
Recap: Matt's Picks
$100.00 wagered $107.53 won -$49.47 for the season
Damn does it feel good to post a winning week. And doing it with a clean sweep that came down to a Monday Night Football performance by Mason Rudolph was even sweeter. I'm slowly clawing my way back into the black while Kirk continues his death spiral with bets that look like this:
6-Point Teaser Fuck The Haters! (-120)
Colts +7.5 Bucs +7.5
I finally hit my coveted 6-point teaser! Sure, both of these teams needed none of the points and won their games outright. But still!
Colts: Jumped out to a fast start and proved that the Steelers vaunted defense is not enough to win a game from behind. They actually need to put together some competent offensive drives. Fields continued to be feisty enough, but key mistakes like his weekly botched snap made it hard for them to catch up. When Anthony Richardson left the game with injury, I was a bit nervous. But then I remembered the Colts' backup is Joe Flacco. Spot Joe Cool 14 points and you're probably in good shape.
Bucs: Kirk and our buddy Tom could not be reached for comment on the Eagles performance in this one. They were too busy getting their cars washed so they could volunteer to drive Nick Sirianni to the airport when he's fired during the bye week. Yeah, the Eagles are banged up. But you just can't let Baker Mayfield look like an MVP candidate and expect to be a Super Bowl contender. Jalen Hurts is up to 7 turnovers now, on pace for 30. Not quite Jameis Winston numbers, but still pretty bad! Note: We are still monitoring Will Levis' turnover numbers (9) for the season who is still pacing to break Brett Favre's all-time record of 36. However, his injury on Monday night could put a damper on history being made.
✅ Won $50.00
Raiders
Moneyline (-125)
The Browns are terrible. They let Gardner Minshew erase a 10-point lead by throwing to Jacoby Meyers and Tre Tucker. Cleveland's defense is not what it was last season, and Washcloth Watson continues to build his case for worst contract of all-time (any sport). Watson is now the 18th-ranked fantasy quarterback just ahead of Daniel Jones and Trevor Lawrence. That's some tremendous company. Those three guys can't throw more than like 20 yards in the air. It's nuts. Anyway, I'll probably be betting everything I own on the Browns to beat the Commanders outright next week because NOTHING MAKES SENSE.
✅ Won $10.00
Ravens
Moneyline (-130)
Wow, I didn't expect this game to be a blowout. The Bills hadn't lost by more than 7 points since November 21, 2021. That's a crazy streak. But then I saw Bet Number 6 in Kirk's Niagara Falls of Misery down there and I knew we would be fine. Buddy, I thought you hated the Bills? What are you doing? Anyway, the lone blemish in this game for me was because I am a Mark Andrews fantasy owner. He went from like the 2nd-highest tight end on the board to getting cut. Tough stuff.
Here's a crazy stat from Mike in College Park, MD:
Jared "Goof" now has more receiving touchdowns this year than Travis Kelce, Sam LaPorta, Mark Andrews, Trey McBride, Jake Ferguson, Brock Bowers, Dalton Schultz, and Evan Engram combined. Tight ends are worthless!
Thanks, Mike. Uncle Jack will be thrilled.
✅ Won $10.00
Titans
Moneyline (-102)
Are we sure Mike McDaniels isn't concussed too? Granted, he's not getting much out of his quarterback room that consists of Tim Boyle, Skylar Thompson, and Snoop Huntley. But surely you shouldn't look that pitiful at home against the Will Levis / Mason Rudolph tandem that the Titans trotted out there! Give credit where it's due, the Titans defense was flying around with T'Vondre Sweat absolutely blowing people up all night. But c'mon man, you'd think McDaniels could do something to allow Tyreek, Achane, Waddle, and company to use their speed and make some plays. Anyway, as soon as this game was 3-0 and I saw how inept the Miami offense looked, I marked this as a win.
✅ Won $10.00
Moneyline Parlay (+640)
Titans ✅ Raiders ✅ Ravens ✅ 49ers ✅
Hey kids, it's you're favorite Uncle. Sorry to keep it brief this week! I hurt my typing hand smashing the Taylor Swift guitar that I won at auction. That'll teach you to keep music out of politics! Now if I could only get this Karmela Harris sign off my neighbor's lawn... Anyway, it was tough week for me. I had to watch my nephew grin like a moron when he won his teaser and then his lousy Mets barely avoided tripping on there own rear ends and made the playoffs. He's insufferable. The Mets bother me. Too many costumes. Why are grown men dressing up like humanoid baseballs and amorphous purple blobs? What? You didn't think I knew big words like 'humanoid' and 'amorphous'? Typical leftist mumbo jumbo assuming that because I work at the plant, I don't know any vocabulary words. Not all of us can go to Jesuit universities like these two scholars. Speaking of university, I hope Kirk's kids are smart and/or athletic. If he keeps taking 634-to-1 shots, he's gonna blow there whole tuition by Thanksgiving. Better be careful or they will end up like Tony from the plant's niece living at home and going to cosmetology school. Speaking of Tony from the plant's niece, that creepy little cyberbully Jared Goof set an NFL record by going 18-for-18 on Monday night. I couldn't stand to watch. I was so upset I went upstairs and let my son Colin lecture me about the ethics of an Israeli ground offensive. I'd rather listen to that for three hours than hear Joe Buck praising the Lions. That prevert once stretched out his scrotum, took pictures of it, and emailed them to Tony from the plant's niece and said "check out my batwing". He didn't even get suspended. What a joke. Anyway, I guess it was nice seeing some green on this recap for once. Keep up the slightly below average work. My hero T.J. Shroud continues to underwhelm me, despite a 3-1 record. Someone on my radio program said they saw him driving a Rivian to his yoga class. I haven't confirmed it yet, but I did add a Sam Arnold jersey to my Amazon cart just in case it turns out to be true. Thanks for resetting my password, Matt. I put the sticky note in my billfold this time so Colin can't light it on fire.
✅ Won $27.53
Recap: Kirk's Picks
$100.00 wagered $34.30 lost -$334.30 for the season
What an intro from my former friend Matt.
He really laid into it, he even pre-drafted this piece with me losing yet another $100 for the 4th week in a row. Man, he went for the throat.
Only one problem though - I didn't lose all of my bets. I actually at least hit lucky #3 for Anytime TD's.
What a total asshole you look like now Matt. You were dancing around like a total dick bag after your super perfect week with your square ass teaser and reliance on the Titans to bench their shit bag for their savior in known racist Mason Rudolph to carry your bag.
What a disgrace to gambling you are, doing a victory lap without even taking half a of a shit to check the board.
I look forward to the Football Gods casting you down a fucking pit for your hubris.
May you rot down there with the fucking Mets who are soon to join the mound of decomposed flesh that once was the New York Rangers.
Editor's Note: Whoops!
#1. Correct Score - Cowboys 27 / Giants 21 (+13000)
Lost this one,
❌ Lost $10.00
#2. Monday Night Mixer - Dolphins -1.5, Lions -3.5 (+270)
Lost this one,
✅ /❌
❌Lost $10.00
#3. Anytime TD's - CeeDee Lamb, Alvin Kamara, Zack Moss (+557)
NOT THIS ONE,
✅ Won $55.70
#4. Dog Day Early Afternoon Slate - Panthers +4.5, Broncos +7.5, Saints +1.5, Vikings +2.5 (+1191) Lost this one,
❌ /✅/❌ /✅
❌Lost $10.00
#5. Anytime TD's -Malik Nabers, Aaron Jones, Brandon Aiyuk, James Cook, James Conner (+4325)
And another one,
❌ /❌ /❌ /✅/❌
❌ Lost $10.00
#6. Sunday Night Stampede - Bills +2.5, Over 46.5, Bills +1.5 (Q1,Q2,Q3,&Q4) (+1418)
And another one,
❌ /❌/❌ /❌ /✅/❌
❌ Lost $10.00
#7. This is No Fun At All - Bengals/Panthers Under 46.5, Broncos/Jets Under 39.5, Jags/Texans Under 45.5, Rams/Bears Under 40.5, Commies/Cards Under 50.5, Bills/Ravens Under 46.5, Sea Birds/Lions Under 46.5 (+9671)
AND ANOTHER ONE
❌ /✅/✅/❌/❌ /✅/❌
❌ Lost $10.00
#8. Throw some money line at that ass - All Money Line, Bengals, Jets, Saints, Vikings, Texans, Steelers, Rams, 49ers (+5543)
AND ANOTHER ONE
✅/❌/❌✅/✅/❌/❌ /✅
❌ Lost $10.00
#9. Anytime TD's - Alvin Kamara, Bijan Robinson, Josh Jacobs, Aaron Jones, CeeDee Lamb, Breece Hall, Ja'Marr Chase, Kyren Williams, Nico Collins (+29232)
HOW ABOUT THIS ONE TOO
✅/❌/❌/❌/✅/❌/✅/✅/✅
❌ Lost $10.00
#10. Flip a coin and lets speed this up - Giants +5.5, Panthers +4.5, Broncos +7.5, Saints +1.5, Vikings +2.5, Texans -6.5, Steelers -1.5, Rams +2.5, Chargers +7.5, Bills +2.5 (+63427)
YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
✅/❌/✅❌/✅/❌/❌/❌/✅/❌
❌ Lost $10.00
Recap: Bonus Bet
$100.00 wagered $100.00 lost -$300.00 for the season
Jake Ferguson 25+ receiving yards ✅
Daniel Jones 25+ rushing yards ❌
Rico Dowdle 14+ receiving yards ✅
Parlay Odds +181
Of COURSE Daniel Jones would be the one who screwed this bet up.
❌ Lost $100.00
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!
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