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Kirk and Matt get $100 each per week and go head-to-head to see who can light the most money on fire betting the NFL this season.
Welcome back to another season of Oddball! Our weekly NFL gambling competition. The rules are simple:
We each get $100 to make NFL bets every week.
We must bet the entire $100.
We'll post our picks every Thursday and recap how we did every Tuesday.
We can only bet on stuff that will be resolved during the week (no futures).
Loser must drive to the State Diner in Ithaca, NY and eat a bowl of chicken and rice soup alone.
Any profit you make in a given week can be banked and used later. Any portion of the $100 that you don't lose, cannot be used later but does count towards your overall total for the season.
Now that the rules preamble is over, let's get to the picks where the guys will try not to poop themselves this week.
Matt's Picks
$100.00 available to bet this week -$100.00 last week -$157.00 for the season
Jesus Christ, our hate mail is getting out of control.
6-Point Teaser Fuck The Haters! (-120)
Colts +7.5 Bucs +7.5
I vehemently deny the allegations against me and I will not be resigning. I never posted anything inappropriate on NudeGamblers.com. It's just another tactic by my opponents to disparage me. I will continue to bet teasers until: a) I die b) One of them hits Let's fade Tomlin as a road favorite. The Steelers defense is great, but their sluggish offense will have a difficult time running away with this one. Look for Richardson to let it fly. It won't be boring!
Let's ALSO fade the Vice-President of Turnovers, Mr. Jalen Hurts, on the road in hurricane conditions. The Eagles will probably do their favorite thing and suck all game before winning by a field goal.
💰 $60.00 to win $50.00
Titans
Moneyline (-102)
The Titans take on the Dolphins this week. Two awful teams with questionable quarterbacks. At least Will Levis (President of Turnovers, in case you were confused by Hurts' second-in-command title from above) has some upside. The same cannot be said for whatever combination of Skylar Thompson, Mike Boyle, or Tyler Huntley the Dolphins throw out there. Matt LaFleur is making lemonade up in Green Bay with Malik Willis. I thought maybe Mike McDaniels could do the same with his crappy quarterback situation, but they looked completely lost last week. He's on goofball watch. I'm strapping in for another thrilling ride on the Will Levis Rollercoaster.
💰 $10.20 to win $10.00
Raiders
Moneyline (-125)
The Browns can't block. DeShaun can't react to pressure. The Raiders have Maxx Crosby and Christian Wilkins. It's going to be another long day for Washcloth Watson. As long as Antonio Pierce is focusing on putting together a game plan and not on his car dealership investments, then Vegas should cruise to an easy victory and we can all continue to have fun pointing and laughing at the creepy Browns.
💰 $12.50 to win $10.00
Ravens
Moneyline (-130)
Everyone is ready to give Josh Allen the MVP after three weeks and a brutal beatdown of the pathetic Jaguars on Monday Night Football. People are going to be lining up to bet the Bills as slight underdogs after that performance last week. Contrarian time! Let's load Lamar up with Vitamin C and Imodium and ride his strong primetime record into the winner's circle.
💰 $13.00 to win $10.00
Moneyline Parlay (+640)
Titans Raiders Ravens 49ers
Give me all three picks above, plus the 49ers as an added sweetener to juice the odds a bit. I don't see them tripping up again after blowing it to the Rams last week. Especially as a 10.5-point home favorite. I'm a bit intimidated by Kirk's waterfall of insanity down there... I gotta throw something together with a bigger payoff.
💰 $4.30 to win $27.53
Rat line of the week: I'm not betting it, but why in God's name are the Bears favored by 3 points against the Rams? I get it, the Rams are banged up. But you're telling me the Matt Eberflus/Caleb Williams combo is gonna outwit the Sean McVay/Matthew Stafford braintrust? I was tempted to go all-in on the Bears since it seems so fucking obvious to take the Rams here. But something stinks with this line, so I'm running away. PS: Let's fucking go Mets!
Booty Watch
Booty got absolutely waxed over the weekend, losing 51-3 to Texas and failing to cover the 44.5-point spread. Listen, some days Booty just stinks. What are you going to do? Take the 42 yards passing, clean yourself up, and get your Booty back out there. The UL-Monroe Warhawks will look to rebound at Troy on Saturday. They are once again underdogs, but by a more reasonable 7 points this time. Since there are basically no positive Booty highlights this week, here's Arch Manning carving it up instead:
Tyrod's Take
ay yo what up ill crew? it's ya boy tyrod back for another weekly segment where i tell ya which game this week reminds me of a tv program i watched on my microsoft surface while sittin on the bench. but before we jump into it, talmage has to stop comparin doug pederson to butters from south park. the jags may have gotten throttled, but at least they scored a few points. that's more than you two jokers can say about your picks gettin completely cleaned out last week. it's only week 4 and you guys are crumblin under the pressure worse than talmage's mets any time they have to play the braves with their season on the line.
anyways, i'm just chillin out here in east rutherford (aka the cleveland of new jersey) gettin ready to host bo nix and the broncos on sunday. i'll tell ya what, sean payton better not try any of that bountygate bullshit on my dog aaron. i've got the final three episodes of the mr. mcmahon doc loaded up on my surface, so i'm hopin i don't need to take any snaps this week. are either of you boys watchin this shit? i bet talmage is. he's a big attitude era guy. same here, brother. i used to put on a kane mask and do suplexes to the neighborhood kids on my trampoline every day after school. my momma put an end to that when i accidentally busted my buddy clarence's face with a folding chair. my bad, clarence. that scar looks badass though, bro. let's all hope deshaun isn't a netflix guy. we don't want him gettin any ideas from vince. unless it's hell in a cell.
anyways, i'll be shieldin my eyes away from monday night's titans vs. dolphins matchup. this thing is as stomach churnin as all of chris pontius' dick humor from jackass. every week it seems like will levis is pullin a steve-o and shovin a fishhook through his own face whenever he gets a sniff of the red zone. the dolphins' qb room has more head injuries than knoxville gettin punched out by butterbean and mike mcdaniels looks like a bigger tool than bam margera. it's a good thing there are two games again on monday. nobody's really gonna want to tune in and watch these two teams glue pubes all over their faces.
irregardless, i'm pullin for you boys in week 4. let's try to cash a few tickets on sunday. the self-deprecatin recaps are gettin staler than the stash of sun dried kale chips that a-rodg keeps in his locker.
Kirk's Picks
$100.00 available to bet this week -$100.00 last week -$300.00 for the season
We are in week 4, and even though I am not panicking, I am clearly in dire straights.
And I am not deflecting, I am taking the blame head on. I know who I am.
And knowing who I am, I need to pull out my bag tricks to attempt to fool The Football Gods into letting me slide ass backwards into a win.
I used this bag of tricks last Turkey Day and pulled myself out of the shit and into the lead.
Just like Terminator: Judgement Day, I'm hoping the second one is even sweeter.
THE WATERFALL BET
10 Bets With Escalating Legs
#1. Correct Score - Cowboys 27 / Giants 21 (+13000)
💰 $10.00 to win $1,300.00
#2. Monday Night Mixer - Dolphins -1.5, Lions -3.5 (+270)
💰 $10.00 to win $27.02
#3. Anytime TD's - CeeDee Lamb, Alvin Kamara, Zack Moss (+557)
💰 $10.00 to win $55.70
#4. Dog Day Early Afternoon Slate - Panthers +4.5, Broncos +7.5, Saints +1.5, Vikings +2.5 (+1191)
💰 $10.00 to win $119.17
#5. Anytime TD's -Malik Nabers, Aaron Jones, Brandon Aiyuk, James Cook, James Conner (+4325)
💰 $10.00 to win $432.55
#6. Sunday Night Stampede - Bills +2.5, Over 46.5, Bills +1.5 (Q1,Q2,Q3,&Q4) (+1418)
💰 $10.00 to win $141.88
#7. This is No Fun At All - Bengals/Panthers Under 46.5, Broncos/Jets Under 39.5, Jags/Texans Under 45.5, Rams/Bears Under 40.5, Commies/Cards Under 50.5, Bills/Ravens Under 46.5, Sea Birds/Lions Under 46.5 (+9671)
💰 $10.00 to win $977.19
#8. Throw some money line at that ass - All Money Line, Bengals, Jets, Saints, Vikings, Texans, Steelers, Rams, 49ers (+5543)
💰 $10.00 to win $544.34
#9. Anytime TD's
Alvin Kamara, Bijan Robinson, Josh Jacobs, Aaron Jones, CeeDee Lamb, Breece Hall, Ja'Marr Chase, Kyren Williams, Nico Collins (+29232)
💰 $10.00 to win $2923.20
#10. Flip a coin and lets speed this up - Giants +5.5, Panthers +4.5, Broncos +7.5, Saints +1.5, Vikings +2.5, Texans -6.5, Steelers -1.5, Rams +2.5, Chargers +7.5, Bills +2.5 (+63427)
💰 $10.00 to win $6,342.75
Bonus Bet
-$100.00 last week -$200.00 for the season
Run for your life, Danny boy!
Jake Ferguson 25+ receiving yards
Daniel Jones 25+ rushing yards
Rico Dowdle 14+ receiving yards
Parlay Odds +212
💰 $100.00 to win $212.00
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!
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