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Kirk and Matt get $100 each per week and go head-to-head to see who can light the most money on fire betting the NFL this season.
Welcome back to another season of Oddball! Our weekly NFL gambling competition. The rules are simple:
We each get $100 to make NFL bets every week.
We must bet the entire $100.
We'll post our picks every Thursday and recap how we did every Tuesday.
We can only bet on stuff that will be resolved during the week (no futures).
Loser must drive to the State Diner in Ithaca, NY and eat a bowl of chicken and rice soup alone.
Any profit you make in a given week can be banked and used later. Any portion of the $100 that you don't lose, cannot be used later but does count towards your overall total for the season.
Now that the rules preamble is over, let's get to the picks where the guys have "concepts of a plan" this week.
Matt's Picks
$120.86 available to bet this week +$20.86 last week +$20.86 for the season
I am the tortoise in this race, so don't expect anything different. I'm totally fine squeaking out modest wins each week and letting the big guy take his shots. Here's how we're going to make a few bucks on Sunday...
6-Point Teaser (-120)
Cowboys ML
Rams +7.5
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. I can't help myself firing away on teasers, especially as 1.5 and 2.5-point spreads become more and more common. I'll take the Cowboys down to a pick 'em against the Saints. I still have no faith in the Derek Carr/Dennis Allen combo. Beating up on the completely incompetent Panthers last week is not going to change my mind. The Cowboys continue to be a dominant regular season team who completely gassed the vaunted Browns defense last week. I think they'll have Carr seeing ghosts (like he does during his frequent walks through haunted graveyards) by halftime.
The Rams are banged up again, but the Stafford/Kupp connection is firing on all cylinders. The Cardinals' horrendous secondary will not be able to stop them from putting points up on the board. The injuries might be too much for the Rams to pull off the outright win, but the Cardinals are too bad on defense to blow anybody out. This one will be decided by a field goal either way, so taking the Rams up to 7.5 seems like easy money (when has saying that ever led to anything bad??).
💰 $60.00 to win $50.00
49ers (-5.0)
Straight Up ATS (-110)
Let's face it, they are the cream of the crop in the NFC until proven otherwise. This week, they face off against Sam Darnold who nobody thought was any good at any point in his career until he smacked the lowly New York Giants around last week. Look, the Giants beat themselves in that game. It did nothing to sway me off of my position that the Vikings are not a good football team. The short week and travel for the 49ers scares me a little bit, but not enough to think they won't be able to manage winning this one by at least a touchdown.
💰 $22.00 to win $20.00
Packers (+3.0)
Straight Up ATS (-115)
Any time you can bet your hard-earned money on Malik Willis, you have to do it. But in all seriousness, there are plenty of trends to support betting good teams starting backup quarterbacks. And the Packers definitely qualify. Matt LaFleur is a great coach who will find a way to put Willis in a position to succeed. I'd look out for a weird spread offense and lots of designed runs that won't force Willis to throw the ball very much. Green Bay falling all the way to a field goal underdog at home is an overreaction. The rest of the squad minus Love will be rested and ready to rock in this one.
💰 $23.00 to win $20.00
Broncos
Moneyline (+124)
I always talk about how awesome Mike Tomlin is as an underdog. Well, he's kind of the opposite as a road favorite (32-40-2 ATS). Is it scary backing Bo Nix against T.J. Watt? Yes. But let's remember that the Steelers scored all of their points off of field goals last week and barely beat a gimpy Kirk Cousins. Now they are going to start Justin Fields on the road in the altitude and they are favored? I'll pass. The Broncos are going to win this one outright and put the Steelers back in their rightful place (a .500 record).
💰 $15.86 to win $19.66
Booty Watch
The greatest college football player in human history is still undefeated after a convincing 32-6 beatdown of the UAB Dragons on Saturday. General Booty didn't have to do much in this one, going just 9-for-16 with 87 yards and no touchdowns. The Louisiana-Monroe Warhawks won going away, powered by the strength of two rushing touchdowns, a pick six, a safety, and three field goals. Maybe we'll have to start referring to him as Game Manager Booty.
A fun wrinkle in this game is that General Booty's Warhawks are led by first-year coach Bryant Vincent, a former interim coach for UAB who was passed over for the head job by none other than Trent Dilfer. Nice revenge game for Coach Vincent.
Tyrod's Take
ay yo what up ill crew? it's ya boy tyrod back for another weekly segment where i tell ya which game this week reminds me of a tv program i watched on my microsoft surface while sittin on the bench. but first i gotta call out the tall guy. talmage's mets are 11-2 since the last baseball odyssey was posted. ya gotta start writin that shit again or he's gonna get cocky.
and speakin of jinxes, i'm beggin brother kirk to stop pickin the jets for a couple weeks. ya gotta give my boy aaron a chance to get a few wins. if not, they might ask me to actually play. monday night might have been disappointin for our fans, but it was hella fun to be able to watch my programs for four straight hours without havin to go get whooped by the san fran pass rush. this week we're goin down to nashville to play the titans. look for me down on lower broadway hoppin from honkey tonk to honkey tonk all weekend long. ya boy tyrod loves to square dance almost as much as i love watchin connie britton play rayna james. i'll do my best to keep aaron away from the hot stuff at hattie b's. we don't want him pullin a lamar and goin off for a mid-game dump.
anyways, the game i'm keepin an eye on this week is the panthers tryin to redeem themselves against the chargers. man, i haven't been more disappointed since watchin the dexter finale back in 2013 when i was sittin on the bench for the ravens. the panthers were a masterclass in deflatin the hopes of loyal fans with a bewilderin display of poor choices, incompetence, and missed opportunities. sound familiar, mr. morgan? years of character development thrown out the fuckin window, much like the panthers' disastrous approach to roster buildin and draft strategy. bryce young's interception on the first pass of the game was almost as nonsensical as dexter becomin a fuckin lumberjack. carolina fans must be ready to throw up, but at least talmage's uncle can make some good jokes about derek carr bein the trinity killer. irregardless, good luck out there in week 2, boys. try to lay off the teasers and alt lines, ya noobs! (editor's note: we won't)
Kirk's Picks
$100.00 available to bet this week -$100.00 last week -$100.00 for the season
Week 2.
Even after a losing week there's something I have to remember. Football is the best sport ever invented. Nothing comes close to it and having it back in my life is the most important thing. I'll ride through the highs and lows because there's always next week.
And this week, this time, it's going to be different.
And by that logic I'm definitely due. Pencil these picks in as your mortal locks for the week.
The Harbutt's Bet (Round 2) (+750)
Chargers Alternate Spread -13.5, Ravens Alternate Spread -13.5
Oh no, I'm not done with these two Jabroni's. You don't just walk out on me after making me lose a fucking whopping $25 and think I won't come for you.
NAWTT A CHANCE.
Jim 'The Right Stuff' Harbutt's Chargers are going up against the Hapless Carolina Panthers. A team so bad, I'm pretty sure you could throw any college team at them and they'd come away with a dominating win. That's how bad the culture, moral, and gameplay is of these pussy cats.
If The Chargers can't win by two touchdowns, every terrible, negative, awful, shitty thing I said about Jim Harbutt must be true.
John 'It Hangs To The Left" Harbutt's Ravens are going against the offseason darlings, and FRAUDS, the Pop Warner managed Raiders. This team STINKS. I expect the Ravens to come out and smack the piss out of the Raiders and send their whole sorry ass team back to the desert.
If the Ravens can't win by two touchdowns, the milk toast, unoriginal, plain jane, zero offensive strategy John Harbutt must be as empty as a suit as the one hanging on my coat rack.
💰 $10.00 to win $75.00
The 1PM 4 Team Parlay (+1230)
Jets -3.5, Patriots +3.5, Rams +1.5, Steelers -2.5
Not sure how this bet is even allowed. I'm going to load up on this one with my funds not tied back from this format.
In order the teams above face:
@ Tennessee
Home against Seattle
@ Arizona
@ Denver
Andddddd theeennnnn:
A terrible team helmed by a red shirt QB intent on turning the ball over.
A team with no offensive line and a running scared Geno Smith.
A much better team than their sorry asses, seriously this one makes zero fucking sense, the Rams took it to the wire with the Lions.
A rookie QB who may or may not be five trash filled racoons
ANDDD THEEEEENNNNNNNN:
💰 $10.00 to win $123.03
The Kansas City Chiefs -5.5
Straight Up ATS (-110)
To the start the year I was against my colleague on principal, because of my total disdain for him, but hey, man has a point.
Last week the Bengals scored just 10 points to the lowly Patriots.
I love Burrow but he is not 100%. He couldn't throw it downfield, Joe Mixon is now on the Texans, and Ja'Marr's soft 'hold out' has not helped this team jive that's for fucking sure. Their Super Bowl window is firmly shut which is a shame.
Time for me to just take the Chiefs and not on an alternate spread. Giving less than a TD, hell less than a couple of FG's?
Sign me the fuck up.
If you can't beat em, join em.
💰 $80.00 to win $72.73
Bonus Bet
Forgot last week +$0.00 for the season
These were a fun thing we did on occasion last year to try to preserve our friendship and have something to root for together. I'm already ready to shun Kirk for laughing too loud at the Giants' misfortune, so it's time to implement our favorite conflict-resolution strategy: shared gambling misery. Here is a fun Same Game Parlay for tonight's Dolphins vs. Bills Thursday Night Football matchup:
Josh Allen over 24.5 rushing yards
Jaylen Waddle over 4.5 receptions
James Cook over 18.5 receiving yards
Parlay Odds +298
💰 $100.00 to win $298.00
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!
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