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Kirk and Matt get $100 each per week and go head-to-head to see who can light the most money on fire betting the NFL this season.
Welcome back to Oddball! Our weekly NFL gambling competition. The rules are simple:
We each get $100 to make NFL bets every week.
We must bet the entire $100.
We'll post our picks every Thursday and recap how we did every Tuesday.
We can only bet on stuff that will be resolved during the week (no futures).
Loser must eat an entire well-done steak at Applebee's.
Any profit you make in a given week can be banked and used later. Any portion of the $100 that you don't lose, cannot be used later but does count towards your overall total for the season.
Now that the rules preamble is over, let's get to the picks and the continued decline of Kirk's mental state.
Matt's Picks
$100.00 available to bet this week -$42.61 last week +$54.37 for the season
Even though it's going to take a belated Christmas miracle for Kirk to win this stupid competition, I'm still feeling the pressure. Falling into the negative would be a blow to my ego. Here are a few picks that I hope will keep me in the black.
Giants +5.5
Straight Up ATS (-112)
My post-Christmas malaise was temporarily relieved when this email hit our inbox on Wednesday morning:
happy yuletide motherfuckas! it's your boy tyrod writin' in to let you know that tommy cutlets ate too many christmas canolis and danny dimes' acl still be lookin' like a strand of overcooked bucatini. that means yours truly is gettin' the start against the rams on sunday. honestly, i'm cool with it since most of my programs are on hiatus for the holidays anyway. i tried passin' the time watchin' re-runs of 'great british bake off' with coach daboll, but the way he moaned and salivated made me even more uncomfortable than the time i attended a children's charity event with a shirtless russell wilson. i'm feelin' great about our chances this week — kirk sent me a weighted blanket for christmas and i've been sleepin' like a baby ever since. i also used the money i've made from fadin' his tnf picks to buy myself an apple watch. all my activity rings are closed after a few intense practices. all systems go, baby! take the points!
💰 $22.40 to win $20.00
A New Start FanDuel Parlay (+6000)
Tyrod Taylor over 0.5 rushing touchdowns Tyrod Taylor over 19.5 completions Jacoby Brissett over 0.5 rushing touchdowns Jacoby Brissett over 19.5 competitions
This bet is so dumb that it might actually pay off. We have to back our boy Tyrod! Plus, Jacoby Brissett can't possibly look much worse than Sam Howell, right?
💰 $5.60 to win $336.00
Bucs -2.5
Straight Up ATS (-110)
Normally this is a game where I'd fade the hot but shaky team (Tampa) in favor of the team that just looked like a turd sandwich on national TV (New Orleans). Usually you want to bet against public perception, especially in a division game. However, Derek Carr makes me sick enough to defy this logic. Give me the resurgent Baker Mayfield to grab the win at home and clinch a playoff spot.
💰 $22.00 to win $20.00
Moneyline Parlay (+142)
Colts Seahawks
The Colts and Seahawks are both playing at home as 3.5-point favorites, clinging to the #7 seed in their respective conferences. Wins this week would greatly improve their chances of clinching a wild card spot, and I think both teams have done enough to warrant a ticket to the dance. It also helps that they are both playing teams who looked a little too good last week and are probably overvalued.
I'm not buying the Mason Rudolph-led Steelers on the road in front of a raucous Seattle crowd. Congrats to him for looking better than Mitch Trubisky and beating an injury-ravaged Bengals team at home on short rest. It's gonna be a different story this week.
And then there's Vegas, who ended the Brandon Staley era with a Thursday night beatdown of the Chargers, then stunned the Chiefs in Arrowhead to ruin Christmas for Swifties everywhere (just kidding, they were too busy playing "'Tis the Damn Season" on a loop and unwrapping Eras tour merch to notice). That second win might look impressive, but it was helped along greatly by a total Chiefs meltdown:
Not a great stat for the Chiefs. And speaking of not-great stats, did you see Aidan O'Connell's numbers from this one? At one point he had 10 straight incompletions. He finished 9/21 with 62 passing yards and 0 touchdowns. According to Evan Abrams from Action Network, this was the fewest passing yards in a straight up win since Eli Manning did it with just 59 yards back in 2007. Rarefied air!
For those of you who are concerned, Uncle Jack is taking a break this week after drinking a bit too much eggnog and antagonizing Colin about the Patriot Act on Christmas Eve. Aunt Susie took his phone and his Firestick as punishment. It remains to be seen if he'll be allowed to watch the games on Sunday, which might actually be a good thing considering that this is a list of starting quarterbacks who will be in action: Trevor Siemian
Joe Flacco
Bailey Zappe
Taylor Heinicke
Gardner Minshew
Mason Rudolph
Easton Stick
Jake Browning
Aidan O'Connell
Jacoby Brissett
Tyrod Taylor
Jarrett Stidham
Jaren Hall Yikes!
💰 $50.00 to win $71.47
Kirk's Picks
$123.19 available to bet this week +$23.19 last week -$676.55 for the season
Okay so if you've been really following along you may notice this season has not gone well. Matt continues his self admitted backslide into a cash neutral finish and my season has been dog shit.
Truthfully, I look forward to the end of the season and forgetting this year ever happened.
It would suck to have a constant reminder archived forever that would stare me in the face when I least want it.
On to the picks.
Thursday Night Poop Bowl Over 34.5 (-114)
Jets @ Browns
Most of this bet is due to my laziness. I've been sick this week, the kids are home for 10 days straight, and we're potty training my youngest. My brain is a mushed can of old potatoes left forgotten under the floorboards of a house from a family long since departed. Only the can and the sadness remain.
Flacco has looked seriously impressive making this Browns offense finally hum after it has been only been average all year. The Jets somehow have been getting points on the board as well even with some minor injuries last week in their squeaker of a win. Hilarious Jets style by the way, to have a monster lead at half time only to blow the cover of -3 for many folks who bet them. I stayed away because as you can tell from my annual total, I'm a savant.
The Browns are continuing to push for the playoffs and if this game goes under 34.5 you can cross them off the list. The fact it's at the dawg pound is a positive. We've also quietly had entertaining TNF games in various fashions of late. Let's get another in before the season goes to bed.
💰 $100.00 to win $87.72
Same Game Parlay (+6968)
All to score anytime TD's - Kareem Hunt, Breece Hall, Jerome Ford, Amari Cooper
This is a dumb bet that I took zero seconds to select. I chose the first 4 gentlemen with the best odds on FanDuel to score TD's tonight.
There is only one reason to toss $10 at this. It's a small hail Mary to attempt to catch up to Matt this season and magically erase my losses.
I'm sure it will work out.
💰 $10.00 to win $696.85
Multi Game Parlay (+17851)
8 Leg Parlay All Straight Up ATS - Ravens -3.5, Patriots +13.5, Bears -3, Texans -4.5, Colts -3.5, Rams -5.5, Jags -6.5, Bucs -2.5
This is the larger hail Mary. If this wins I'm buying all the booze for the guys trip in Vermont next month. If you've garnered anything from this website you understand that this is not an empty gesture.
💰 $10.00 to win $2,357.82
Bonus Pick
$100.00 available to bet this week +$134.87 last week +779.30 for the season
Let's push it a bit and take a +357 shot in another game that is determined to kill Al Michaels. Strange to see such a high spread (7.5) alongside such a low total (34.5). Anyway, good luck tonight if you've been tailing our only successful segment of the season! Let's hope it continues to stay hot.
Browns ML Njoku over 3.5 receptions Conklin over 3.5 receptions Ford over 39.5 rushing yards
💰 $100.00 to win $357.39
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!