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A solid win for Matt as he secures his position even more. In a first, Kirk didn't lose his entire stack for the week. Progress.
Oddball is our weekly NFL gambling competition where we each get $100 every week and try to outdo each other. The loser has to eat a well-done Applebee's steak.
Recap: Matt's Picks
$100.00 wagered $51.01 won +$135.99 for the season
I would just like to begin today's recap with a nod of appreciation to these men:
This is Tommy DeVito alongside his agent, Sean Stellato, seen here chatting with Kirk about letting his client take over the "Oh Wow" segment since Owen Wislon has been procrastinating lately. Also, fun fact, that fedora is the same one that our friend Tom wore to Business Statistics class every Thursday night before our trips to Atlantic City.
Last night was the most fun I've had watching a Giants game since last year's Wild Card Weekend. I didn't know that I needed a David Chase remake of Jerry Maguire, but it was wonderful. No notes.
Anyway, my picks were pretty solid this week. Added a bit more of a cushion. I'm feeling pretty good with just four weeks to go.
Bears +3.5
Straight up ATS (-120)
I liked this pick all week, but I was momentarily terrified when Kirk wound up on the same side with me. That has been a bad omen all season (scoreboard), but thankfully it worked out this week. One reader was especially overjoyed by the Bears' victory.
Nice win for Chiacgo on Sunday, though I think that Detroit's QB is pretty bad. I read that his small hands make it really hard for him to throw the ball in bad weather. It's too bad they don't stop him from typing out misogynistic emails to his classmates at Cal. Someone should really let that reporter Adam Scheffler know about all of his cyberbullying. I'd like to see him end up on the commissioner's excempt list for that. Watching that goof blow the division to the Vikings on Christmas Eve will be the best gift ever for all of you're readers. Sincerely, Anonymous
Okay, hmm... I wonder who wrote that.
✅ Won $16.67
Rams +7.5
Straight up ATS (-118)
For every Brandon Staley/Easton Stick combo of sadness we have to watch on a weekly basis, it's nice to be reminded that there are solid coaches and quarterbacks on a few of these teams. Even while in salary-cap hell, Sean McVay gets the boys to play. And Stafford still goes out and slings it. This would have been a bit more satisfying if the Rams finished off the outright upset and completely threw the AFC playoff picture into disarray. But, hey, we'll take the cover.
This ended up being a huge win for the Ravens in overtime, with the Dolphins, Chiefs, Jaguars, Steelers, and Colts all losing this week.
I trust exactly zero of these teams to win a playoff game.
✅ Won $16.95
Bucs +2.5
Straight up ATS (-115)
Oh man, the NFC South is brutal. The Bucs, Falcons, and Saints are all sitting at 6-7 and will battle it out for the right to get absolutely ass-blasted by the Cowboys at home in a wild card game. If I'm Dallas, I'm probably rooting against the Bucs the rest of the way, since Baker Mayfield is definitely a cut above the Ridder / Heinicke / Carr / Winston / Hill quarterback clusterfuck in Atlanta and New Orleans. But that's still not saying much. Anyway, it's a fun weekly project to figure out which of these teams will suck the least and bet accordingly. Next up for the Bucs are the suddenly-reeling Packers. Green Bay is favored by 3.5 depsite losing to Tommy DeVito on national TV. File that away.
✅ Won $17.39
Chiefs -1.5
Straight up ATS (-108)
I started and stopped writing about this one about 100 times. But I pretty much settled on the fact that I have nothing interesting, funny, or insightful to say here. Kadarius Toney is a jackass and it's hard to feel bad for him. That play was pretty fucking cool though and I wish it counted just because the NFL is a lot more fun when Kelce and Mahomes are doing ridiculous shit and winning games. Tough to drop my only loss of the week on that play, but rules are rules.
Hey, Patty Mahomes... let's stop crying and how about we go out and beat someone convincingly for the first time since Week 3. Can we do that?
What's that? Oh, the Chiefs are playing the Patriots next week?? Hmm... file that away.
❌ Lost $20.00
Cowboys -3.5
Straight up ATS (+100)
Big win for Dallas against an Eagles defense that is really leaking like a sieve lately. I wish Philly's Week 16 matchup against Badabing Big Blue was a week sooner, because I really want to see DeVito carve them up like a corner piece of his nonna's lasagna. As impressive a victory as this was, ultimately I don't think it will matter. The Cowboys are going to have a hard time catching the Eagles to win the divison. Dallas plays at Buffalo, at Miami, home for Detroit, and at Washington the rest of the way. Hard to figure they are favored in more than one of those contests. Contrast that with the Eagles who are at Seattle, home for the Giants, home for the Cardinals, and then at the Giants again. With that said, the Cowboys might be a good fade down the stretch since they could be locked into the 5-seed with not much reason to risk injury or opening the playbook too wide.
✅ Won $20.00
Kirk's Picks
$100.00 wagered $20.00 lost -$763.51 for the season
Holy shit! I only lost $20!? I'm feeling fresh.
These Thursday Night QB's Stink Bet (+2748)
Mitch Trubisky Under 180.5 Passing Yds, Bailey Zappe Under 154.5 Passing Yds, Allen Robinson II Under 11.5 Receiving Yds, Jalen Warren Under 16.5 Receiving Yds, Ezekiel Elliot Under 16.5 Receiving Yds, Tyquan Thorton Under 12.5 Receiving Yards
It turns out I can reverse jinx anything in the NFL. Every single one of these selections went over and it was a hilarious loss for the Steelers. All the players should be on their knees thanking me for karmically making this game entertaining.
This entire enterprise I've done nothing but give.
You're welcome.
❌ Lost $10.00
Bears +3
Straight up ATS (+100)
I wasn't the only one in America who thought the Lions defense was totally fradulent. By the end of the 3rd quarter this game was entirerly in hand and the Bears looked...good?
Their defense since the HC took over the play calling has been excellent the last few weeks. Suddenly this team looks like it's no longer dog shit and is now average. Quite the feat for a team that could of just given up and fired Eberflus.
And with the Panthers looking like a CFL team and their draft pick due to the Bears next season, it's seems like it's actually a fun time to be a Bears fan again. Uh oh.
✅ Won $40.00
Bills @ Chiefs Over 48.5
(-110)
Both QB's didn't look that great and this wasn't the shootout I was hoping for.
BUT, while I lost $40 I did get something far more precious in return for it.
America finally turning on the Chiefs and Patrick Mahomes becoming a villain. Am I biased as an Eagles fan you may say? I would not put my integrity at risk, how dare you even think that. Bastards.
In case you missed it, Mahomes and the Chiefs had a chance to get a go ahead TD near the end of the game. It was an awesome play by Travis Kelce in particular, catch and run, then turns and throws a perfect lateral to Kadarius Toney who ran it into the endzone.
Only one problem. Toney was offsides by a full yard. Play called back, Chiefs turn it over on downs. Chiefs lose.
The villain part of this story is Mahomes totally freaking out on the sideline and yelling at the refs after the fact for even throwing the flag.
Him and Andy Reid may have been caught up in the moment, but their shitty WR's are once again the only ones to blame here. Man their WR's blow.
And if you don't want that flag called then maybe, MAYBE, the phantom, bullshit, disgusting PI flag thrown against the Eagles in the Superbowl should have been picked up?
❌ Lost $40.00 but it felt good.
Multigame Parlay (+1127)
Rams +7.5, Panthers +5.5, Bengals 1.5+, Jags +3
2 for 4 is not good when you need 4 for 4. That's a fact.
Why the fuck did I bet on the Pathers?! Was I high as shit!? Damn't MATT!
Luckily it didn't matter as Joe Flacco rose from the dead in a spectacular manner and deleivered a big win against the Jags by 4.
On to next week.
❌ Lost $10.00
Bonus Picks
$100.00 wagered $100.00 lost +$509.13 for the season
We dropped another bonus pick by taking the under. I'm pretty sure everytime I've (Kirk) picked the over/under of any game the opposite has occured. Fuck!
Next week we may employ our friend Tom's strategy when adding selections to the Parlay. Close your eyes and flip a coin.
Same Game Parlay (+232)
Diontae Johnson over 24.5 receiving yards ✅
Ezekiel Elliott over 1.5 receptions ✅
Under 33.5 total points ❌
So sorry we couldn't make you more money this week. Thanks for the hatemail. Dave from Westchester I'm putting you on a watchlist. Those pictures are now burned into my brain.
See you next week!
❌ Lost $100.00
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!
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