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Well, well, well how the turn tables. We are tied in playoff picks headed into Championship Weekend. And Buffalo's kicker screws us.
Kirk lost the regular season contest and now needs to eat an Applebee's well-done steak. But there's still some football to be played, so we made some picks just for funzies. Here's how we did.
Matt's Picks
0-4 last week 5-5 this postseason
❌ Texans +9.5
Man, I did really horrible this week. I haven't taken a beating this bad since the time I pre-loaded The Audacity of Hope on Uncle Jack's Kindle. I have officially crashed back to earth after a scorching hot 5-1 Wild Card round. Hopefully I can turn things around quick. With only 3 games to go, it would be nice to go out on a more profitable note.
Anyway, this game started off the bludgeoning. The Ravens definitely had a bit of rust in the first half and went into the locker room tied at 10. But then they absolutely laid the smack down on the Texans in the second half. Houston's offense committed about 100 false start penalties and didn't score a single touchdown in the game (their only trip into the end zone came on a punt return). Uncle Jack's hero threw for just 175 yards. Bad times all around.
❌ 49ers -9.5
I didn't see the beginning of this game because Uncle Jack threw the remote through my TV after Lamar Jackson's second rushing touchdown. After Susie drove him to Best Buy ranting and raving to replace it, I tuned in with enough time to see Brock Purdy try on his sixth pair of gloves in the contest. San Francisco got very lucky to sneak out of this game with a win. I was not aware that Purdy melts in the rain, but I will certainly be checking the weather before betting next week's showdown with the Lions.
Also, it seemed like Dre Greenlaw had even more money than I did on the Niners -9.5.
❌ Bucs +6.5
The bad beats continued into Sunday as the Bucs hung around most of the game but just couldn't figure out a way to get the cover. Trailing by 14 late in the fourth quarter, they scored a touchdown to cut it to an 8-point deficit and elected to go for 2. This would have been a miraculous backdoor cover for me, but OF COURSE it didn't work out. Seems like this would have been an easy pass interference call if Mike Evans didn't try so hard to create separation. Do less, Mike.
❌ Bills -2.5
And so a tough two days of losing came down to the game of the year, Allen vs. Mahomes. Man, this was a great game. The Bills really looked like the might get it done, but a few key drops at bad times sunk them. Mahomes is pretty magical and the fact that he's now been to 6-straight AFC Championship games (never missed in his career) is insane. Kirk and I both had the Bills and had also bet there would be overtime at almost 12-to-1 odds. So we kind of knew when the Bills lined up for a game-tying field goal that something bad was going to happen. And sure, enough, Bills gonna Bill.
As much as that felt like a kick in the nuts, there was still 1:47 left on the clock. Absolutely no way that Mahomes doesn't get the ball back and win the game in regulation. I'm so glad I'm not a Bills fan.
Uncle Jack's Front Lawn
$100.00 wagered $80.91 lost +$11.54 this postseason
Texans ML — $10.00 to win $38.00 ❌
Texans +9.5 — $10.00 to win $9.09 ❌
Shroud o2.5 passing TDs — $10.00 to win $58.00 ❌
49ers -9.5 — $10.00 to win $8.93 ❌
49ers o30.5 team points — $10.00 to win $8.62 ❌
Bucks ML — $10.00 to win $24.00 ❌
Goof u272.5 passing — $10.00 to win $8.77 ❌
Goof o0.5 interceptions — $10.00 to win $8.20 ❌
KC/BUF o45.5 points — $10.00 to win $9.09 ✅
Allen & Mahoney both score a rushing TD — $10.00 to win $110.50 ❌
No comment.
Kirk's Picks
3-1 last week 5-5 this postseason
✅ Ravens -9.0
Well I finally did some half assed research for a game and it paid off! After the Ravens shook off the rust at half time they, as Matt noted above, beat the absolute piss out of the Texans. Cold weather teams have such a clear advantage in the playoffs that as I become more seasoned in my gambling it is probably one of the most important factors to examining a spread I guess. Cold vs Cold like KC and Buffalo? Makes sense the spread is 2.5 headed into the game. I also wagered my entire FanDuel balance (what was left of it) on the Over and by the grace of the Football Gods the Ravens kicked a final FG to put the game over by .5. Thanks Tucker!
✅ Packers +9.0
Happy to get a win ATS here but really disappointed that this Packers team lost. Funny how as soon as Rodgers isn't on this team it's so much easier to root for. Not saying I think either way about Rodgers but he does distract me from the team itself. Packers fans are rejoicing they seem to have found their guy. I also hate the 49er's for reasons that don't really come from a specific place. It's a gut thing. Really, really, hoping the Lions can pull off the upset this week.
✅ Lions -6.5
It's always nice to get a win without having to sweat it at all. Dan Campbell, Jared Goof, Amon-Ra, Aidan Hutchinson, Jahmyr Gibbs? Baker who?
❌ Bills -3.0
I blame my brother in law here. I am constantly rooting for this team as a result and it hurts me. Can't imagine what it does to him. Also as Matt points out above, what a nut shot with that missed FG and a shot at OT. I agree that Mahomes would most likely have driven down the field for a score, but the Bills had forced a handful of 3 and outs, most notably after a new set of downs on a questionable PI call. Doesn't matter now. He is the second coming of Brady and we all should have read the tea leaves instead of burrowing our heads in the sand. May God have mercy on our souls.
Bonus Picks
$200.00 wagered $200.00 lost +$858.69 for the season
A brutal week for the lads. I blame myself (Kirk). But also Tyler Bass.
Any Time Touchdown Parlay (+6232)
Singletary (HOU) Samuel (SF) St. Brown (DET) Godwin (TB) Rice (KC)
On the bright side at least this parlay was dead after the first game with Houston failing to get anything going offensively. It's much, much worse to get 4/5 to hit then eat shit on the fifth. It's all about the little victories in life.
❌ Lost $50.00
49ers -20.5
Adjusted point spread (+300)
Does almost throwing 20.5 interceptions and still winning count?
❌ Lost $50.00
There Will Be Overtime
In Kansas City / Buffalo (+1160)
God dammit.
❌ Lost $50.00
Any Time Touchdown Parlay (+1081)
Allen (BUF) Mahomes (KC)
We got half of this! But, yeah, they don't even let Mahomes do a QB sneak anymore. Seems like a tall order to get him a rushing touchdown. But that probably won't stop us from betting this again next week for Lamar / Mahomes.
❌ Lost $50.00
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