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Matt's terrible playoff streak has extended. Kirk secures the meaningless playoff pick competition. Sadly, there will be no gray steak for Matt.
Kirk lost the regular season contest and now needs to eat an Applebee's well-done steak. But there's still some football to be played, so we made some picks just for funzies. Here's how we did.
Matt's Picks
0-2 last week 5-7 this postseason
❌ Ravens -3.5
I feel pretty sick after this weekend of football. I'm not sure if it's the seven dozen High Noons consumed on our guys' trip, the seven pounds of wings and brisket, or the seven straight ATS losses I have racked up betting on playoff games. I'm even colder than the Vermont basement our buddy Tom had to sleep in when five dudes spent 72 hours trying to figure out how to turn on a space heater and failed. I blame the stinky Eagles for setting off this chain reaction from which I have not recovered.
Anyway, our domestic ineptitude pales in comparison to that of the Baltimore Ravens offense on Sunday. They were just flat-out bad. Lamar Jackson did not look deserving of the MVP award that he seems likely to win. By the way, did you know he's now going to have two MVP awards and two playoff wins? That's awful. Why did I bet against Mahomes? I'm going to go throw up all of that brisket.
❌ 49ers -7.0
My losing streak continued as the Niners once against fell way behind early, came back for the win, and couldn't cover. Not a lot to dissect here, as Dan Campbell's questionable clock management and Brandon Aiyuk's insane catch off of a defender's face mask have undoubtedly been beaten death for the last two days already.
One note: Brock Purdy is now favored in the Super Bowl despite having just 2 TD's, 1 pick, 3 sacks, and a 61% completion rate this postseason. Cool.
Uncle Jack's Front Lawn
$100.00 wagered $100.00 lost -$88.46 this postseason
49ers -7.0 — $48.00 to win $40.00 ❌
Goof u255.5 yards — $22.00 to win $19.40 ❌
Goof o0.5 picks — $30.00 to win $21.43 ❌
$88.46 was WELL WORTH IT if it means that Goof can't go to the Super Bowl. He is a menace to society and shouldn't be let anywhere near Radio Row in Las Vegas. He'll probably sit in some internet cafe on Freemont Street and send harassment messages to Lavar Jackson's sisters. Those two will be battling it out for the 32nd spot on my QB power rankings next season YOU MARK MY WORDS!
Looking forward to a Goof-free Super Bowl, but who in tarnation is Usher and what happened to getting real musicians from MY generation to play the Halftime Show?
Kirk's Picks
2-0 last week 7-5 this postseason
✅ Chiefs +3.5
First off, my apologies to the readers for failing to provide any insight or banter alongside my picks last week. I had left early for our guys weekend and dropped the ball. My thanks to Matt for his inspired words in my stead.
To the actual pick here, it's nice to get revenge. What is that revenge you may ask? Specifically I had asked Matt before our hang which team he was favoring. I was leaning to Patrick Mahomes being the second coming of Tom Brady, meaning I was compelled to be on him. Matt said, yes he liked the hook at +3.5. Come seeing in person he had taken the Ravens and the pain in my lower back was actually his knife.
(Matt is the calzones, great nick name I want to make stick now)
Fortunately for me, even with a Ravens defense settling into fine form late, their offense spent the entirety of the game tripping on their dicks. They had the yips, and this one was over when Lamar was throwing his helmet in the 3rd quarter.
✅ Lions +7.0
It seemed inevitable that the 49er's would win this one, and they did. They didn't make it easy for themselves and got plenty of luck bouncing their way for the win. I was sad the Lions got eliminated when I was rooting for them to win the Super Bowl but that's life. Thanks for covering guys! I hope to see them in the playoffs next year.
Bonus Picks
$0.00 wagered $0.00 lost +$858.69 for the season
Whoops, we forgot to think about any bonus picks. There may have been a reason for that during our annual post college trip. I can't place a finger on it.
✅ Lost $0.00
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!