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Your favorite band hates you, your family, and your face. And you.
About a month ago I was driving away from my daughters day-care on the way to Dunkin Donuts. I was looking forward to a Cold Brew and yet another bag of donuts I hoped I would remember to dispose of before my wife was in the car. I turned on the radio and was assaulted in broad daylight and almost crashed my car into a UPS store.
My ears had been assaulted by a song that was a lousy, lying, low down four-flushing carcass of a monster that punched me in the side of the head.
This song is so awful and this is not open to debate. Guns N' Roses may not be my favorite rock band but they do have iconic tracks. Sweet Child O' Mine, Welcome To The Jungle, November Rain to just name a few. This is not one of those songs.
In case you are one of our deaf readers, this video gives up the game before it ever began. Whenever you see a music video that doesn't follow the lyrics, but it's just a bunch of quick cuts out of sequence, black and white, low angle shots, and never hovers to long on a old face, you know what you've got.
An aging band that refuses to give it up and by God does their new music suck.
This led me to an important realization.
No band should be permitted to make new music after 25 years from their formation date.
Now you may be saying, 25 years, that's a lot of leeway. And yea I guess it is but you really only run into these musical missteps from bands so far from their glory days they say, "You know what, I think our fans are ready for our next phase". They're not, and they never will be.
I'm just going to highlight a sampling of applicable songs for two reasons.
Everyone should know this immoral act happens all around the world. WHERE WE LIVE FOR GODSAKE.
I had to listen to these a few times and now my head hurts and blood is running from my ears.
In no particular order:
1. Guns N' Roses - Perhaps (I've said enough).
2. U2 - Atomic City
Here's a band bigger than the last. They've been posted up in the Sphere in Vegas, and having seen it in person recently it's no surprise why. Seems like a totally awesome venue. Unfortunately, they put out a real stinker as an homage to their temporary home. Now I'm not a huge U2 guy. I usually change that shit right away when they come on. But this is without a doubt a soulless entry into their catalog.
Oh and btw, they totally steal and pervert the hook from Blondie's timeless hit Call Me.
At the 1:30 mark they start their inspired lyrics, at at 1:41 you have the thievery "I'm free, where else would I be" almost beat for beat ripping off Blondie's "Call Me! Call me, on the line, call me, call me any, anytime". You old hacks!
SHAME!
GO GIRL!
3. The Beatles - Now and Then
Where to even begin. This song just came out on the 3rd and was generated in part by AI (Artificial Intelligence) given that two of the members of the band are deceased.
Is this some sort of cash grab for Ringo like my colleague Matt thinks? Clearly Sir Paul doesn't need the money.
I don't even feel anger like I do for the GNR song as that one is severely grating. This song has only two verses and a simple refrain. The instruments overpower the lyrics anyway and it sounds like an imitation of a Beatles song instead of a Beatles song.
It makes me sad. Not in a way that is a relief mechanism like a beautiful melancholy song. But sad as in the AI creep is real and how we consume media is going to keep changing every year, some for what I think is the better, and of course, some that is worse. In this case, it seems like a perversion.
Man, what a downer to end on.
And maybe that's why these bands keep on going. To stop would mean submitting to the laws of the universe and the endless void...
Anyway.
Here's Wonderwall.