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How Do I Work This Apparatus?

When technology passes you by, do you get pissed off and fight it or let it envelope your body in a cocoon of naivety?
how do you get the hulu?

Recently my wife and I had our first trip alone together since having children. We flew to Las Vegas for the When We Were Young festival and had a great time that I'll cover as I'm sure a lot of you are like me. Not exactly young, getting old, and when poisoning yourselves to a great extent over a 3-day period, there may be some anecdotes you may get pleasure out of when picturing my body shutting down in various stages.


Now leading up to that trip one of our greatest concerns was for my mother-in-law. She did us such a solid of staying with our kids. To prepare her for success we concentrated on several areas, but one above all others:


How to work our TV.


A common enough refrain it is true. But as time as gone on, we are not simply talking about a different type of remote for someone to navigate. No, now it's what devices is powering your TV and how you can operate it quickly enough to avoid young children throwing things at you in disdain while witnessing your failure.


We use a PS4 to watch all of our media and we knew the controller itself, just sitting there, would be daunting enough. What follows is the exact instructions we left


TV/PlayStation Instructions:

  • Turn the TV on with the TV remote, then turn the PlayStation on by pressing the center “P” button that’s in between the two joysticks

  • The input should already be set to PlayStation, but in case it got changed somehow a little box should pop up on the TV asking you to switch to PlayStation as the input after you turn the PlayStation on…just press enter on the TV remote to select the box that pops up (if the TV is not on the PS as the input and you miss pressing enter on the TV remote before the PS input box disappears, the input button on the TV remote is the top-right button that looks like a plug, below the button that says TV, press that and arrow over to PlayStation and select it)

  • Once the PS is on press the X button to select Kirk’s profile, then arrow over once using the right arrow key and select “TV & Video”…this is where you select the various apps you want to watch (e.g. YouTube TV, YouTube, Netflix, Disney +, Peacock, Paramount +, Prime, Hulu, Apple TV +, etc)

  • Press X to select the app you want, then you’ll use the arrow keys, the O (circle) key to go back, and the X (enter) key to select, play, and pause

  • If you’re watching Blaze for example on YouTube TV but then he wants to watch Grizzy on Netflix, press the center “P” button on the controller to back up to the screen where you’ll choose “TV & Video” again, which will take you back to the main area where you choose the app

  • If the controller is running low on power a little battery icon will flash on the screen. The cord is plugged into the PlayStation and you plug in the micro USB into the back of the controller

Popular programs:

YouTube TV (After you’re in the app arrow up to the very top of the screen and select Library, then arrow

down to Shows to find all the kids shows we’ve recorded…or if you want to watch live TV then select Live

at the top of the screen):

  • Blaze

  • Bubble Guppies

  • Paw Patrol

  • Peppa

Netflix:

  • Grizzy

  • Boss Baby

  • Sea Beast

  • Trolls

  • Despicable Me

YouTube:

  • Puppy video

  • Cocomelon

  • “Super Simple Songs” videos (“we’re going on a rocket ship we’re going very soon” etc)

Peacock:

  • Mario Brothers movie

Paramount +:

  • Paw Patrol movie

Disney + (when the app opens arrow over left and the pane will open where you can arrow down and select Watchlist…most of what we watch is there):

  • Toy Story

  • Monster Inc/Monsters U

  • Moana

  • The Incredibles

  • Cars movies

  • Nightmare Before Xmas

And that's it. As I look back and stare at it, all I think about is how much money we pay monthly into streaming services and if you have kids, you are locked into even the shitty ones in case there is just one thing on there they like.


Take Peacock, a terrible platform full of crap that I now have to keep because of the Mario movie. They know what they've done with their one hit sitting on a heap of utter shit. They are the lowest of the low.

Now, while we were away, I liked to think this list provided at least some value. As we returned, said our thanks and our goodbyes to my MOL and she walked past me, the thousand yard stare of constant child care was present on her face and I'm left wondering if it did.


I probably should have stocked our fridge with Chardonnay instead.

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