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The fun and scrappy 2023-24 New York Knicks are hobbling their way onto the golf course after a Game 7 letdown that you can't even be too mad about.
East Quarterfinals Game 7 | Loss 130-109 vs. Pacers | Lose the series 4-3
This game sucked.
It was super lame of the citizens of Arrakis to send a shipment of Spice to Tyrese Haliburton prior to tip off, propelling him and the rest of the Pacers to an otherworldly 80% shooting performance in the 1st half. Things seemed like they were going to go pretty shittily, pretty much immediately when Indy started making shots from the Knicks foul line, on top of the announcers table, and from the Chase Bridge concession stand. I angrily drank a beer and watched Haliburton and friends sink shots with the ease of a child casually tossing pebbles in the ocean. I demand a PED test.
Give credit to the injured Knicks who tried to suit up and play. Especially OG Anunoby, who sunk his first two shots despite not being able to walk. But despite their tough effort, eventually, Tom Thibodeau ran out of players to grind down into nubs and started berating Ben Stiller and Spike Lee on celebrity row to lace up their sneakers and give it a go at power forward. The fucking injury list got longer than a CVS receipt. Even Jalen Brunson, our fearless leader, ended up with a broken hand from trying to grab New York City by the nuts for the last two months. He almost squeezed hard enough to get over the hump, but in the end, there just wasn't enough juice left in those big lemons. Or something. I don't fucking know. What I do know is that if the Knicks had a mascot, Thibs probably would have given him 6-8 minutes off the bench in this one. That's how dire things got.
Despite all the adversity, Donte "Big Ragu" DiVincenzo was the lone veal chop in this trattoria of torture, hitting nine 3-pointers and scoring 39 points. But even his carbo-loaded effort couldn't lift us out of the saucier of sadness. Alec Burks tried his best off the bench with 26 points, but it was basically like that overplayed Flex Tape meme when all was said and done.
The Knicks, down by 15 at the half, rallied briefly in the 3rd quarter and cut it to 6. The Garden crowd tried to muster up some energy (and some hope), and it kinda felt like maybe it would work. After all, the Knicks have been SO resilient all year and have had so many unlikely comebacks. But the Pacers, led by their gang of Melange-snorting maniacs, were relentless. They never let New York get back in it. The nail in the coffin came with about 6 minutes left in the 3rd quarter with the Knicks trailing 77-70. Miles Turner chucked the ball out of bounds and the Knicks had a legit shot to cut it to a two-possession game, which, the way this one started, would have been a huge deal. But instead, we had a McBride turnover leading to a Turner triple on the other end. Then on the very next possession, Brunson turned it over to Haliburton for an easy finger roll, and my remote got slammed into the deep recesses of the sectional. Boom. Just like that, New York was down double-digits and never mustered up another run. It didn't help that two minutes later Brunson broke his hand and left the game. Sweet.
So here we are, another season down the tubes. I have to tip my hat to the Pacers, who move on to get curb stomped by the Celtics. Good luck winning an elimination game without setting the NBA record for playoff shooting percentage.
And hey, look on the bright side. We didn't lose to that douche Embiid. We played with a ton of heart, Brunson is him, and hopefully next year we'll put some better / less crippled pieces on the court and make another run.
But, if I'm being honest, I'd sign the Knicks up for 0-82 next year if it would guarantee the Rangers a Stanley Cup next month. No quit in New York, baby! Unless you're the Knicks' bones and ligaments.