Dumpster Dive: Butt Snorkeler

A masterclass in hubris.

Matt sent me a picture of a visionary wearing this shirt in a casino recently.

The implication by said bro is that he is so deep in ass, that his entire face is enveloped by the aforementioned ass. The most impressive part of this is not only that his face is so deep in ass, but he is able to commandeer a woman's respiratory system through her butthole. To be even more clear, he does not need to come up for air, he is using her as a breathing apparatus.

This new found ability helps shed light on one of most pressing questions of the 2000’s.

If any of the rear humps of ‘Human Centipede’ had sinus congestion would they die without the ability to breathe through their nose?

The answer from the above is now scientifically proven according to this new gospel. No, you would not die if you were in the tail end of the centipede, as a shared entity you would be able to be so in tune with one another that as the ‘head’ of the centipede inhaled air the rear most section of the centipede would still be able to successfully suck air through multiple buttholes to survive.

It really is an amazing jump forward for mankind and shines a light on body modification enthusiasts. Given the success of a shared B-hole to mouth respiratory system, what is next on the horizon?

Do split tongues in fact make you a snake? Does the split tongue lead to being able to swallow a whole goat like an anaconda?

Does having comically large gauges and ear piercings allow you to act as a human wind chime?

We can’t predict the future, but I’m encouraged that as a species we won’t bury our heads into the sand when faced with new breakthroughs but we can choose to bury them into the next butt instead.