Bumper Stickers

You are what you eat. Maybe don't eat shit.

I've officially seen enough. Having just turned 36 I think something inside me has mentally broken. Because I'm broken, I'm going to break something of yours.

It's time we had a chat about your pieces of flair.

Please hold on Jennifer, this isn't your fault, you're blameless in this you god damned angel. You are perfect, and we love you.

No my cold displeasure is directed to people who have bumper stickers on their cars.

Bumper stickers are a façade. They are not a personality as so many people seem to think. Every time I see a bumper sticker I stare dead eyed forward, judging. I stare through the drivers headrest, willing them to feel the absolute disdain pouring through their skull.

Why do you feel the need to impart your whimsy, your politics, your family, your stupidity on those strangers passing you by?

Is it like my 'friend' Phil who drives a Jeep? And whenever he drives past another Jeep they raise their hand and perform their cults sign? I've been with him while this happened, twice, on one brief ride. I hated everything.

You may say, wow Kirk, you sound like a bitter piece of shit, what's going on bud?

I've always admitted to being a POS. I don't run from that. But this is not bitterness.

Maybe it's the same reason I don't use social media in my personal life.

The more people feel like they have to stick a flagpole in their life and tell everyone "Hey, if you fit into my precious box, come over and lets pat each other on the back. And if you don't fit into that box, how fucking dare you, why did you come over here?"

A bumper sticker is just a tweet in offline mode. It lets you be just anonymous enough to piss people off while you sit in your car stroking your ego knowing that you're in your safe space. Especially if that space is raised 5 feet off the ground.